Way back in 1994, then-Surgeon General of the United States Dr. Jocelyn Elders was invited to speak at a United Nations conference on AIDS. Asked whether masturbation would be appropriate to promote to young people as an alternative to riskier sexual activity, she replied, “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.”

Dr. Joycelyn Elders with Good Vibrations Executive Vice President, Jackie Rednour-Bruckman, at Catalyst Con West 2013, where she applauded and endorsed International Masturbation Month efforts. Photo courtesy of Good Vibrations.

Sensible? Yes — but it was too much for the Clinton administration to handle, and she was fired. In response, the following year the Good Vibrations sex toy store in San Francisco dubbed May National Masturbation Month.

As Good Vibrations notes in an a blog post from earlier this week, it’s now International Masturbation Month, thank you very much. In the last 20 years, a lot has changed in American culture — some things for the better, some not (I’m looking at states implementing drastic regulations and waiting periods on abortion, for example). Masturbation is still not a family-dinner-conversation topic for most people, but then again, how many families actually manage to gather around the dinner table anymore?

The topic of self-pleasure is, I think, far less taboo than it once was. For all the ways the Internet is messing with how we connect and communicate — and even how we think — it has also made information and discourse about masturbation available to virtually anyone who can get online.

Yes, technology is having a questionable impact on the ability of younger generations to engage in truly intimate relationships, and a lot of the porn out there does not model “healthy” or “realistic” sex. But there’s a ton of masturbation to be seen out there, numerous legit resources for those with questions, and a lot more people talking about it like it’s the normal, pleasurable, healthy, non-shameful thing it is.

After all, once upon a time in 1970, Betty Dodson (Planet Waves’ sexual godmother) found out that while drawings of nude couples having sex might be a hit on Madison Avenue, a gallery show of female nudes masturbating was a non-starter. In fact, it got her dumped from the NYC art world. As Betty describes here, the ensuing realization that masturbation was the bottom line of sexual repression set her off on her legendary, and revolutionary, career of educating women and empowering them to take ownership of their orgasms.

Not everyone is on board; oppressive forces continue to work in powerfully insidious (and astonishingly obvious) ways. Plenty of people are still working their way out from under heartbreaking and still all-too-common burdens of guilt and shame about their bodies and desires. If you’re on that path — or just appreciate a good pro-masturbation pep-talk every once in a while, here’s Eric’s article titled How to Be Your Own Lover from (I believe) May of 2000.

As he writes in the epigram, “There’s more to a healthy relationship to yourself than great sex — but it helps. A lot.”

With that, I wish you a very merry month of May.

Dear Madame,

I hope you can help me with my seven-year-old grandson. He’s an adorable boy and always has been, so full of life and fun! He loves to travel with his grandfather and me, and there isn’t much he isn’t curious about or won’t try at the dinner table so you can imagine what great company he can be.

Of course you’ve probably guessed by now that he’s a Sagittarius. But we have this little problem: he’s a thief! More than once last summer we left our tip on the table and returned for some reason, only to find it gone. Now that we’ve caught him, we make him walk out of the restaurant ahead of us just to keep an eye on him. I thought Sagittarians were above this. Why would he do this?

Signed,
Nana’s Embarrassed

Dear Nana,

You and your husband sound like pretty fun-loving folks, yourselves — and notably tolerant for toting your grandson out on adventures. But let me tell you a secret about our charming Saggo folk: they’re cheap.

Ever wonder where their ‘make-do’ mystique hails from? Their Second House.

I don’t mean the one in the Berkshires; I mean their 2nd natal house in the horoscope, AKA, the Money House. It’s run by Capricorn and The Withholding Company.

I once knew a Saggo gal who chose to live without when the gas company shut her off for non-payment. Could she have sold off a few fancy things and paid the bill? Yes. She boiled water on the electric stove for baths, instead. For months. Who needs the Tetons when you camp in your own home!

Capricorn on the Second/Money House is a feminine sign in a feminine spot. It wants passive income. Or is disinterested in pursuing money. Capricorn, being of a thrifty and pragmatic flavor, here would rather do without or do with someone else’s money than press for their own. Junior Jr.’s clearly found his passive income source in your restaurant tips. And having Cappy instincts in the dollar house knows not to leave money on the table, right?

If you’re traveling with the lad this summer, keep in mind that Capricorn’s associate, Saturn, demands he grow up over the next couple of years. Show more self-control. However, over the summer Saturn’s lesson returns to a focus on your grandson’s hidden fears — his Scorpio Zone. Where we were last summer, in fact.

This is tough territory for Saggos. If he says he’s gonna ‘die’ if he doesn’t get this or that, assume it’s more than manipulative whining this time. Saturn in Scorpio could send the giddiest grown-up Saggo crawling to the nearest coffin maker and calling for a hearse. Imagine what that feels like to a kiddo.

YOUR job as the elder is to step up and be a great Saturn for your grandson. That means, teach him something useful. And this summer it’s the lesson that you’re not gonna die. Swiping tips might be his ‘survival’ technique, but taking what others have earned is a bad habit to start. Replace that with small rewards (money, even) for helping others, including you. Give him small, specific jobs on your vacation together. Have him hand the tip money to the server, himself, etc.

Saturn loves a plan, so make the plan clear to you and grandson. And then honor it to the letter. By September you may have helped him conquer his first fear of mortality and made a positive money habit, too. The two are, indeed, related. Trust me.

Yours + 20%,

Madame Z