Dear Madame Zolonga: My Thieving Sadge Grandson!

Dear Madame,

I hope you can help me with my seven-year-old grandson. He’s an adorable boy and always has been, so full of life and fun! He loves to travel with his grandfather and me, and there isn’t much he isn’t curious about or won’t try at the dinner table so you can imagine what great company he can be.

Of course you’ve probably guessed by now that he’s a Sagittarius. But we have this little problem: he’s a thief! More than once last summer we left our tip on the table and returned for some reason, only to find it gone. Now that we’ve caught him, we make him walk out of the restaurant ahead of us just to keep an eye on him. I thought Sagittarians were above this. Why would he do this?

Nana’s Embarrassed

Dear Nana,

You and your husband sound like pretty fun-loving folks, yourselves — and notably tolerant for toting your grandson out on adventures. But let me tell you a secret about our charming Saggo folk: they’re cheap.

Ever wonder where their ‘make-do’ mystique hails from? Their Second House.

I don’t mean the one in the Berkshires; I mean their 2nd natal house in the horoscope, AKA, the Money House. It’s run by Capricorn and The Withholding Company.

I once knew a Saggo gal who chose to live without when the gas company shut her off for non-payment. Could she have sold off a few fancy things and paid the bill? Yes. She boiled water on the electric stove for baths, instead. For months. Who needs the Tetons when you camp in your own home!

Capricorn on the Second/Money House is a feminine sign in a feminine spot. It wants passive income. Or is disinterested in pursuing money. Capricorn, being of a thrifty and pragmatic flavor, here would rather do without or do with someone else’s money than press for their own. Junior Jr.’s clearly found his passive income source in your restaurant tips. And having Cappy instincts in the dollar house knows not to leave money on the table, right?

If you’re traveling with the lad this summer, keep in mind that Capricorn’s associate, Saturn, demands he grow up over the next couple of years. Show more self-control. However, over the summer Saturn’s lesson returns to a focus on your grandson’s hidden fears — his Scorpio Zone. Where we were last summer, in fact.

This is tough territory for Saggos. If he says he’s gonna ‘die’ if he doesn’t get this or that, assume it’s more than manipulative whining this time. Saturn in Scorpio could send the giddiest grown-up Saggo crawling to the nearest coffin maker and calling for a hearse. Imagine what that feels like to a kiddo.

YOUR job as the elder is to step up and be a great Saturn for your grandson. That means, teach him something useful. And this summer it’s the lesson that you’re not gonna die. Swiping tips might be his ‘survival’ technique, but taking what others have earned is a bad habit to start. Replace that with small rewards (money, even) for helping others, including you. Give him small, specific jobs on your vacation together. Have him hand the tip money to the server, himself, etc.

Saturn loves a plan, so make the plan clear to you and grandson. And then honor it to the letter. By September you may have helped him conquer his first fear of mortality and made a positive money habit, too. The two are, indeed, related. Trust me.

Yours + 20%,

Madame Z

8 thoughts on “Dear Madame Zolonga: My Thieving Sadge Grandson!

  1. Geoff Marsh


    The boy will grow up righteous in the sight of the Lord and the Lady if you follow this advice.

    Praise Be.

    And Judith. And Len. And Sarah. And Eric. And Amanda. And Chelsea. And all at PW, wherever.

  2. Jere

    This is excellently funny! Kudos Nana, for trippin’ the kid about (worst thing you can do for a Sag. is isolate them).

    Madame, with all due respect, ‘cheap’ and allowing assests to slip through your fingers like water are two different things (could be this Sag’s natal Cancer rising? Freakin’ Leo Moon)… but hell man, I never have cash ’cause I give it away instantly.

    Have to agree with the disinterest in pursuing cash, when shit man, resources are everywhere, where’s the sharing Love! (Of course, I’ve had a Cap. kick my ass for that mentality.) Lesson’s to be learned eh?

    Nana, there’s not much a Sag. enjoys more than making other folk happy. If “I” could make a living (money) puting smiles in folks’ hearts.. I’d work my ass off entertaining everyone I come across. It does take a strong Saturn to reel a Sag. in though.. not dickishly forbidding, but exploratively respectful.

    Neglect fails, and light-hearted “”honesty”” rules, for a Sag. (in my opinion).

    Learning (being taught/shown by example) is your surest tool with a Sag. And honesty.. always honesty. A Sag. can take brutal if it needs to be dished.


    1. Jere

      Oh yeah, if they’re gonna steal anyway, teach them ethical thievery. Rip the corporate conglomerates, not individuals, mom-and-pop shops, or franchises.. those are actual folk, not cool. And NEVER rip a bum, TOTALLY UNCOOL!!

  3. Michael Mayes

    Baaahhh! Cheap Sadge here. The only thing I spend money on is good weed! Eff the bills!!! I just spent the money I stole from my local coffee shop tip cup that I was going to buy mom’s mother’s day gift with on an eighth of some really good chronic. Couldn’t pass it up!!! I’m loving the “boy on his hobby-horse” Sabian image, where my natal Neptune resides.

  4. Madame Zolonga

    I can’t say that’s the direction I was taking this. I’m less concerned about the superficial reasons Sadges are sometimes labeled “cheap” and more concerned about where that unflattering label might come from.

    If you reread the response, you’ll hopefully get some insight about how this astrology really works, and why this summer’s return of Saturn to the sign of Scorpio is potentially deep and scary territory for Sagittarians of all ages. Scorpio is Sadge’s 12th House, one of two significant “blind spots” in the natal chart, and representative of hidden fears and (traditionally) one’s instinct to self-sabotage. The fear of death is real here, as well as the intense desire to be reborn. Saturn, (a heavy) in a heavy-weight sign, Scorpio, could really pile it on.

    My best to Nana, and I wish her a great (and transformative!) summer with her grandson.

    1. Jere

      You’re cool man! I was experimenting with personal psychoanalysis, aloud.

      I find you to be quite cleverly (and amusingly) astrologically astute.

      I have a habit of publicly sharing my head-fucks in order to grasp a sense of perspective. Technically I don’t think we’re all that dissimilar in our assessment of Nana’s situation.

      Truly, I’m hella looking forward to this Saturn’s transit, Scorp. and Sag. As you spoke “rebirth”.

      As far as where the “cheap” label comes from.. that’s a deep social question I believe has roots within the wider formations of society. We could well stare at Baltimore, right now, and realize that this question is a whole lot bigger, and needs a whole lot more attention that has been payed. The conversation will continue.

      Thanks for writing man, I dig your perspective.


  5. KittyJ

    Yeah, as a Sag I can relate to the self-sabotage thing. I’m usually quite generous with other people, but when it comes to myself, I can really cheap out, and it has a definite “over-active inner critic” feel to it. Of course, my Saturn is in Scorpio natally (just got done with my second Saturn Return). I hadn’t made the Sag 12th house connection, though. Helpful to know.

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