True confidence comes from the inside. It’s also a misunderstood concept, taken to mean certainty or cockiness. It’s no such thing. Confidence means ‘with fidelity’, which is another way of saying with faith, or with trust. Seen that way, it’s based in uncertainty rather than a sense of knowing, but that can lead to a sublime kind of boldness.
There is an exchange going on, but more is being exchanged than you think. How might you get a sense of what that is? Look at your art, writing, erotic play or other creative outflow and see what clues you can get. On one level, you may feel like you’re on an entirely inner journey that can lead only to the center of your being.
A variety of factors are enabling you to move into and take over the inner psychological spaces once occupied by the concepts “mother” and “father.” This is allowing you to make two significant maneuvers, which are really halves of the same thing. First is redefining your idea of success and achievement. The second is redefining your idea of security.
You are letting go of some old ideas about yourself, ideas that don’t work for you. Some could be called delusions, and others could be called illusions. Some were lies you were told about yourself and others are ones you made up. They’re all the same thing; pull the plug and drain the pool. A lot is said in supposed spiritual circles about how the past no longer exists.
You’re still sorting out the consequences of unexpected developments in a situation involving shared resources or commitments. Contracts are meaningful only to the extent that they are negotiated in good faith. That’s another word for genuine honesty and fully expressed intentions. Rather than deciding whether you won or lost this round of the game, I suggest you size up the situation from the standpoint of integrity.
You will need to talk about what you’re feeling and what you’ve been through recently. The past matters, especially the past four weeks, and what you experienced will have an influence on your current choices. You’ve just been through another spell of “I can barely believe I’m going through this,” though at least this time around you had the presence of others to verify your experience.
You are neither your mother nor your father, and you have the capacity to respond to life differently than they do. You are strong in your faith. You are a woman of the world. You have ideas that go beyond next week’s shopping list. Make a vow to not defend yourself at family gatherings. Rather, state your truth and make your choices.