Equinoctial Blathering

By Amanda Moreno

Sometimes I feel like I’ve said everything I can in this space. I know that’s a ridiculous thought. It’s only been two years and a few months. My colleagues have been writing for far longer, always relevant, always articulate — and yet… for me, several core themes always resurface.

I remember when I set out on my Planet Waves adventure I had plans — to research, to dig deep, to explore themes that would benefit from having the structure and discipline of a weekly column. Alas, my pattern has by and large been to wait until the last minute.

Part of that is because relevance and timeliness seem to be tied together — writing comes with far more ease when I’m feeling in the flow and tapped into whatever is most relevant as close to publishing as possible. That flow often comes under pressure. Part of that is that life is perpetually packed.

When I add in the fact that this is a website that focuses on astrology and that my column is supposed to be about ‘spirituality,’ my job gets a bit easier. Astrology is a focuser. It’s also, as the astonishingly brilliant Len Wallick points out in his piece this week, the key to freedom and the door to responsibility.

Let me say that again: Astrology is the key to freedom and the door to responsibility.

Becoming aware of our own patterns and habits, recognizing where we might be a bit tightly wound, means that we have more choice. We have more freedom to act. Bringing awareness to our complexes, our gifts, our nature as suggested by the interwoven threads of our charts and our experiences means we have a moral responsibility to act accordingly — at least as far as my belief system is concerned.

The astrological worldview allows us to participate creatively in our destiny, but it does not concretely define it. Astrology is great at predicting spiritual and emotional trends — but how you react or respond to those is nothing I’d ever care to predict.

For some that physical ambiguity is the downfall or shortcoming of astrology, or any divination practice really. For me that is its blessing and its curse. It gives me free will. It gives me freedom. And what good is divination if it is not going to tell you concretely what to do? It leads you to shadow. And as I become aware of my own shadow, it seems to get heavier, to beg for attention, to demand integration and increased awareness.

The eclipse window that just ended was somewhat brutal for me — in a deeply flat and empty way. And yet… I used my tools. I participated in conversations with other seekers, received validation that I was not alone in my submersion in the depths, and came up with strategies to support myself in various processes of surrender.

I was able to look at my chart and see what functions of my psyche were being invited into the spotlight for examination. I got to hold onto the hope that what I was feeling was bound to a time-sensitive process that would in fact cycle out again. I got to read other astrologers’ descriptions of the shadow side of Pisces, re-introducing me to the theme of existential crisis, leading me to definitions of the concept that helped me to locate myself in the process.

Didn’t make it feel better. But it brought meaning, and at least a rational recognition that this too shall pass.

Ah, yes. Meaning. So many in our culture see the search for meaning as something immature or ridiculous or flat-out harmful. I reckon this is some strange mix of two of the three prevailing myths of our time.

First we have the myth of progress, which sees our evolutionary progression as onward and upward, out of the sludge of the primitive, unconscious mind, allowing us to reconcile our more destructive tendencies in the name of expansion and growth. Secondly, we have the myth of cosmic disenchantment, which sees everything as inherently unrelated, and sees any attempts to prove or believe otherwise as a narcissistic, anthropocentric adapting process — the universe is dead; any attempt to make meaning is ‘just projection’ and science can prove it.

What this latter myth fails to note is that its accusations of projection, of accusing the search for meaning as being a narcissistic process, are actually quite narcissistic in and of themselves. Who are we to say that crows don’t have funerals just because that’s a human construct, or that elephants don’t actually mourn their dead?

Sometimes I understand why people avoid consciousness. Awareness can suck. Feeling like you have to pay attention to context and variance and the ultimate ambiguity of human consciousness can be maddening. But then again…

Last week a friend recognized how much I was surrendering and letting go of and processing and offered up a sphere of Sodalite, along with a protocol for using the sphere to remove strands of dead energy from the heart center. In the mythologically dead world, this would be the sign of insanity or at the very least something to sneer at. But in my world it’s a tool that can’t hurt, and will probably help — be it through an ultimately scientifically plausible connection of various forms of matter, or through the placebo effect. And besides, who doesn’t like talking to rocks and hoping they can help? Can’t hurt!

Today I asked two people — a friend who works at a metaphysical supply shop and a bartender — what themes they’ve been noticing among their friends and customers lately. Both of them remarked that people seem to be experiencing the phenomena of one step forward and two steps back (or is it two steps forward and one step back?). And yet suddenly, things seem to be feeling like they have traction again.

To me, this reeked of cardinal energy — which initiates movement only to knock us back a few steps — combined with the floundering of our submergence in the mutable signs for the first three quarters of this year. Now, it’s as if Jupiter’s movement into cardinal Libra, followed tomorrow by the Sun’s emergence into the same sign, are beacons of hope: no longer shall we be treading water in a sea of mutability as deeply we have been. Perhaps there can be forward movement, change and traction through step-by-step processes? Gotta engage that transiting Virgo North Node, after all!

For me, forward movement is going to be marked by an equinox massage. I can’t afford it, really. But this much treading water and existential crisis, letting go and moving on, have left my muscles feeling sore and sticky. A splurge feels necessary if I’m to get my wheels back in motion.

Sun-sign horoscopes are currently advising me to be wise with my finances and strategic with my to-do lists and goals. Sometimes I think the wisest option is to spend money I don’t quite have on something that assists my physical being in coping with the demands of my own astrologically predictable spiritual and emotional trends. That’s a choice I’m making of my own free will.

I suppose that’s a good example of the way astrology works — one step forward, two steps back, a little bit of freedom brought by bringing consciousness to the pattern; a lot of responsibility, and a whole lot of surrender.