Category Archives: Welcome

Planet Waves Daily Oracle for Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Today’s Oracle takes us to the Pisces weekly for Jan. 6, 2012

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One thing I know from living through a lot of astrology is that when Venus enters your birth sign, that’s good for you. It’s a moment of not only appreciating the finer things in life, but actually having them be within reach. In a sense they always are, and we’re often too busy or distracted to notice. But this is a special moment, as Venus makes a conjunction to Neptune and then ingresses Pisces, where it will be for a few weeks. Then, Neptune enters your birth sign. No matter how fast you may be going at the moment, or what challenges you may face, this is a moment to slow down and make space in your life for who and what you want the most. Share your abundance with others you care about. Within the madness of life, so much of it unnecessary, take a long moment and feel how beautiful your existence can be.

The Daily Oracle offers a horoscope selected randomly by our Intelligent Archive Oracle program, unique to Planet Waves. It’s also a database of my horoscopes going back to the late 1990s. You can use the Intelligent Archive Oracle to answer questions and give you ideas for how to handle problems and situations you cannot see through. This feature is available to our All Access and Core Community members. See this link for more information.

One Year Later

I remember Dr. Martin Luther King, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference and the Freedom marches of the 1960s with the mind of a child. Something was happening that I understood at the surface, yet had no idea of the consequences or the price. Yet even from a child’s surface of perception, I learned from the news a respect and admiration for the struggle, because as a child I never learned that one person was better than another.

I lived as a little brown girl with an odd and foreign sounding name in a racist town in Northern California. Even though I am not black but a person of color, there was still a divide between whites and us. Some of these divides were stronger, deeper and harder than others. It “All depends on the skin we’re living in,” as poet Sekou Sundiata once wrote.

Which brings us here, one year and a day after the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri, where he was gunned down by Ferguson police and his body left on the street for four hours. It wasn’t the first death of an African-American by police or vigilante that we’ve known about in the news this decade, but in light of Trayvon Martin’s killing by George Zimmerman on the pretext of Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” laws and Zimmerman’s subsequent acquittal, it was one of way too many straws on a camel’s back.

It was in this crucible of news, fueled by this century’s technology that #Black Lives Matter was born. It is the Civil Rights Movement updated for the 21st century.

At last count, since its inception in 2013, the movement has staged close to 1000 demonstrations. It has 23 chapters in various cities across the United States, including my home town of Oakland, California, as well as in Canada and Ghana.

The Movement is proving to be a new litmus test for election politics as experienced by Democrats and Republicans. Some more than others are trying to bridge the gap between the issues of income inequality and racial inequality, and the promise of equal protection under the law.

By every police action from Michael Brown to Sandra Bland, and by every acquittal of police officers who shoot first and show remorse later, this promise remains unmet. If there is a ‘but’ in this conversation, it is that at least the conversation, though heated, has started. And thanks to Pluto, it is going deep, as Eric presciently wrote about in early 2013 on the Trayvon Martin case:

Even as the major aspects (for example, Uranus square Pluto) strive to push us forward and help us confront modern problems, we’re being reminded of what remains unresolved from our collective past. While Trayvon Martin may seem insignificant to some and an overblown story to others, racial karma is one of the most significant issues we face on the planet, though in truth the next layer down involves the economic problems we face: the distribution of resources that fuel racial crises and are at the root of many ethnicity-based wars and genocides.

What exactly was George Zimmerman worried that Trayvon Martin was doing? Well, stealing, of course. Stealing what? What else? White people’s stuff.

Let’s not forget the elemental equation that informs so much of what we think of as politics: lighter-skinned guy thinks darker-skinned guy is trying to take the stuff of lighter-skinned guys. Sadly, this sounds more reductionist than it is. You can look at almost any national issue through this filter and suddenly it makes more sense.

Set aside the Confederate flag, the out-of-control gun lobbyists in Congress and the prison-industrial complex that make it profitable for cities to fine the poor to meet budget constraints to fund police departments. Set all that aside, and you still have the dregs of the pot stirred up, crusted, rotting and needing to be removed. Pluto is serving as the ultimate solvent.

But — and here’s another ‘but’ — I see Pluto providing the ash heap upon which we can revive civilization in our civil society. We are confronting our most horrible racist demons in the worst ways imaginable — witnessing unjustifiable deaths of our fellow citizens at the hands of law enforcement. All available now by tweets, camera phones and hashtags. But this is exactly what the Civil Rights Movement needed as well back in the 1960s: open information and eye-witnessing to the truth. A chance to write the whole history warts and all, not the parts we are more comfortable with. Pluto.

We’re accomplishing this today, with the help of courageous people and their allies. The generation of Black Lives Matter is growing a movement that needs to finish the job started by their parents and grandparents five decades ago. I benefited from that struggle 50 years ago, as did so many of my brothers and sisters of color back then.

Yet equal protection under the law for all should mean for all. And to our country’s shame, this is something that our African-American brothers and sisters still have to fight for, a year after Ferguson, more than a month after Charleston, and Baltimore, and Staten Island and centuries and thousands of places more in a history that still needs to be revealed and taught about ourselves. We can’t ever forget justice belongs to all of us, this year and the years to come.

The Forest and the Trees

This week’s astrology is marked by three significant events: Jupiter leaving Leo and ingressing Virgo on Tuesday; Mercury opposing Neptune on Wednesday; and on Friday, the Leo New Moon. If you’ve already noticed a shift in the overall energy (especially your own) compared to last week, this combination of building events is likely why.

Photo by Amanda Painter

Deering Oaks Park, Portland, Maine. Photo by Amanda Painter.

Let’s start with Jupiter. Before it gets to Virgo on Tuesday at 7:11 am EDT (11:11 UTC), it’s spending about four days in the last degree of Leo. The last degree of any sign is said to be ‘anaretic’.

Anaretic degrees are usually described by astrologers as ‘edgy’ or ‘intense’, or as coming with a buildup of pressure or energy. That sounds invigorating on its surface. But if you’ve been expending a lot of energy recently and you’re nearing your limit, I could see Jupiter in the last degree of Leo as feeling a little overwhelming or fatiguing.

Your mileage may vary depending on your personal chart and whatever life’s been handing you, so try on each description and see how it feels: ‘edgy and intense’, or just ‘more than you can be bothered with’.

The approaching New Moon also contributes to any sense of ‘winding down’ you might be feeling. It might be an inconvenient way to begin the workweek if you need to get a new project started; but it’s perfect for tying up any loose ends on anything nearing completion.

As of 8:08 am EDT (12:08 UTC) today, the Moon will be in Cancer, the sign it rules. You’ll be feeling your feelings; notice if any of them are especially cyclical in nature, or if you’re particularly inclined to stick close to home and to focus on cooking, cleaning and taking care of others.

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Planet Waves Daily Oracle for Monday, August 10, 2015

Today’s Oracle takes us to the Libra weekly for March 4, 2005

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With any experience of sex we run the chance of encountering our sexual injuries or old pain which are more than abundant commodities in our world. One commonly used option is to completely shut off the hurt parts of who we are. Yet the increase of focus and energy you’re experiencing is specifically calling you to do the opposite — to open up to yourself to understand how and why you feel the way you do and to reach an entirely new level of understanding of yourself. You may need expert help but certainly voices of experience of those who want nothing from you will be genuinely positive influences now.

The Daily Oracle offers a horoscope selected randomly by our Intelligent Archive Oracle program, unique to Planet Waves. It’s also a database of my horoscopes going back to the late 1990s. You can use the Intelligent Archive Oracle to answer questions and give you ideas for how to handle problems and situations you cannot see through. This feature is available to our All Access and Core Community members. See this link for more information.

Weekend Tarot Reading — Sunday, Aug. 9, 2015

By Sarah Taylor

Between this week, last week, and the week before, we seem to be travelling up and down the hierarchy of the court of Swords. This means that there is an emphasis on your ideas and beliefs, and that both are undergoing some kind of transformation. Prince, Knight, Queen, Prince (Knight, King, Queen, Knight in the Rider-Waite Smith deck): a revisiting, revising, and ironing-out of the creases and wrinkles of perception and misperception.

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Ace of Disks, The Hanged Man, Prince of Swords from The Röhrig Tarot deck, created by Carl-W. Röhrig. Click on the image for a larger version.

Which thoughts empower you? Which hold power over you?

Where is it that your rebellion serves you? Where does it not? Where is it time to break free? Where is it that freedom beckons by not breaking free in the ways you may usually do?

Do you find yourself, at times, morphing into a hot-head, who believes vehemently in what you are saying, and acting on it with impunity — yet, if you were to drop your sword and take a moment’s breathing space, you might find that you can muster the humility to admit that you are not as free as you think?

I’m under no illusions — and speak from frequent personal experience — when I tell you that this is hard to do. Dropping that Sword to your side — letting go of your certainty — is hard to do. It’s particularly hard when a belief is so much the fabric of who you are that an alternative has never remotely occurred to you. There will be good reason why it hasn’t; and there is good reason why it might be making itself known now.

In the near past, you encountered a possibility. Nascent, yes. The hint of an idea or a vision. A feeling of expansion that swept past you quickly as it ran ahead into the future, leaving a compelling, deeply familiar but as-yet-unknown scent in its wake — one that reminded you of what could be.

The Ace of Disks is the as-yet-untapped pure potential of bringing something into physical existence (Disks are anything we can interact with using our five senses). Whether a project, or money, or a job, a house, a relationship, a partnership, a new product, a new child: the Ace holds in it the seed of a creation. The final suit in the four-suit complement, Disks are the culmination of the properties of the three suits that come before it: Energy (Wands), Emotion (Cups), Intellect (Swords).

But first. Hold on! Whoa!

Just when you thought you were headed straight towards it, whoosh! There you go, stepping unawares into the middle of a circle of rope lying silently on your path — and now you find yourself, upside-down in the forest, the trees close-in around you, a pool of water beneath you.

WTF just happened?

I know it’s all too easy for me to say this when you’re dangling there, unable to right yourself, your path temporarily waylaid, but I’m going to say it anyway: relax. If you can. This is not a mistake; this is part of the journey to that Ace.

Of all the places this rope could have been, it was lying across your path. It is here for a reason, and so are you. To find something you’ve been looking for but which had eluded you. Perhaps to find something you didn’t even know you were looking for. This rope is not here to inconvenience you. It is here to assist you. You’re being tied up for your own good, in a manner of speaking. If you weren’t, you’d be rushing ahead, and you’d miss a vital piece of equipment you need for the onward journey.

That Ace is still there in the distance. This rope, this suspension of action, is your task-at-hand. Surrender to it. There is nothing else you need to do. Wait, and what is heading for you will come to you. Wait, and find in the space that has been created what has the capacity to shift your belief about who you are, and what it is that you’re doing here, and how it is that you are capable of something that you may not have considered possible.

Hell, you may not have considered it at all. This is self-discovery of a more Zen kind than that Prince is used to — the Prince who wants to get out there, ride on ahead, fight those battles, take no prisoners, make his point clearly, enlighten others with his vast knowledge.

No. Stay still. Stay where you are. Just. A little. Longer.

Hold back, lean in. Just. A little. Further now.

Just a little further.

The crest of the hill is coming, and soon the landscape will open enough for you to take your next step.

Until then, hang around, take in what’s here, rest down towards the pool, into a place that feeds you even while you are unaware of it, and be present to what is reflected back to you. No work needed. Listen to the sounds of your own breathing, the rhythmic expansion, contraction, expansion of your life. That is all. It will arrive in the spaces. Then you can better, and more effectively, make your move.

Astrology/Elemental correspondences: Ace of Disks (the pure, limitless potential of earth), The Hanged Man (Neptune), Prince of Swords (the airy aspect of air)

If you want to experiment with tarot cards and don’t have any, we provide a free tarot spread generator using the Celtic Wings spread, which is based on the traditional Celtic Cross spread. This article explains how to use the spread.

Love & Redemption

By Amanda Moreno

It’s been one of those weeks when clients are echoing very similar sentiments over and over again. One overarching theme that keeps appearing, regardless of how differently each session begins, is that of self-forgiveness.

Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

It’s so easy to talk about the idea that forgiveness of ourselves is a primary step in moving forward in life.

We can receive the forgiveness of others over and over again (or extend it to them), but it is the forgiveness of self that allows us to move through guilt and shame, two of the most complex and seemingly impenetrable emotions.

But how is self-forgiveness accomplished? What the heck does it look like in action?

I often talk about going into our own suffering, about reaching out for those parts of ourselves that have done the wrong thing or that are stuck at a younger age, having internalized the criticisms and painful conditioning of parents or society. Maybe that takes place through imagining conversations or actions, or maybe it’s through psychodrama or letter writing or something else. Being with ourselves through our suffering, holding space, and loving the heck out of ourselves through the good and the bad seems to have a place here. It’s a journey of feeling, blessing and releasing the parts of ourselves we might rather ignore.

By going into our own suffering and loving ourselves through it we are able to experience the redemptive qualities of unconditional love that are best known by extending unconditional love to another. It seems in so many ways to be easier to create a container of unconditional love for our children or lovers — why is it so difficult to do the same for ourselves?

By aiming that love within, to the person we are the most intimate with, we develop compassion for ourselves that can then be extended out to others at even deeper and more universal levels.

As Saturn’s tour through Scorpio draws to a close, it seems that for many people the passage between the Plutonian underworld and our emotional bodies is having contractions at an increasing rate, urging us to participate in what is being birthed. We’re beginning to take responsibility for whatever it is still lurking in the shadows of our psyches.

Venus’ retrograde through Leo seems to be conspiring to ask: now that our emotional bodies have been restructured, what do we value? How are we creatively self-actualizing? What emotions have been or are being distorted? In what areas do we need to work on unconditional self-love — or forgiveness?

I decided to look up the Sabian Symbol for 29 Scorpio, where Saturn has been sitting for some time now. (The Sabian Symbols are a system images applied to each sign of the zodiac; Dane Rhudyar’s version is the most well known.) It reads:

Phase 240 (Scorpio 29): An Indian squaw pleading to the chief for the lives of her children.

Keynote: Love as a principle of redemption.

Here the soul is presented as a mother whose sons (i.e. her active energies) have become disruptive forces in the collective life of the tribe. She seeks to counteract the karma of their misdeeds through her love and implorations. The soul is responsive to the experience of unity (the spiritual king or chief) but the energies of human nature often follow their self-seeking, divisive tendencies.)

I thought that was a nice little bookend to several days spent with a focus on pondering the symbolism of the skies, charting Saturn’s slow movement through that degree where it stationed and is therefore spending an abnormally long time. Once again, a lovely synchronicity to see the endpoint of so many client hours embodied within a relevant Sabian Symbol.

So perhaps regardless of whether you are feeling challenged, exhausted, anxious, elated or maybe even just fine, you might find some time to send some loving-kindness energy towards the parts of you that have been disruptive forces within that inner tribe we call the psyche. Give yourself a break for a minute or five. It would appear as if the heavens have your back, and the constructive energy of Saturn is emphasizing the profoundly healing redemptive qualities of love.

Moving Along

By Judith Gayle | Political Waves

This week felt a lot like the changing of the guard, what with Jon Stewart waving a tearful goodbye, the GOP candidates providing a first taste of their brackish 2016 Kool Aid, and Obama announcing his most ambitious environmental regulations yet with an enhanced Clean Power Plan. That signature of change — arriving just as Jupiter, Mars and Mercury enter new territory — has global implications, and parsing them provides a hint of where we’re headed.

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For instance, in the good news department it appears we have a proven vaccine to prevent the Ebola virus in rhesus monkeys, needle-free to boot. Next on the agenda is development of something more effective after the fact. With our climate challenges bringing new pathogens, this is a wondrous breakthrough.

In Nepal, administrators of a religious festival responsible for the sacrificial slaughter of half a million animals has announced that it will no longer allow critters to die in this traditional petition for prosperity and blessing. They have urged followers of the Hindu Goddess of Power, Gadhimai, to substitute fruits and coconuts as a worthy offering. Makes my heart happy!

Making lemonade, the death of Cecil the lion at the hands of an American poacher has brought scrutiny to a black hole of unexamined ills, including hunting of endangered species, illegal poaching, and transporting of trophies, as well as the politics of Zimbabwe. The sacrifice of this majestic beastie has brought awareness to issues that had long been buried in obscurity.

These are examples of heart-opening projects, the kind that are born of fledgling compassion and a growing respect for life. That’s where we’re going, if haltingly. Believe it.

In news today, Senator Chuck Schumer, heir-apparent to Harry Reid as Democratic leader, has come out against Obama’s Iran deal, and I’m not surprised. I’ve never been impressed with Chuck, whose Zionism defines him. Say what you will about Harry Reid, his Mormonism never got in the way of his politics. To their credit, the left is not taking this well.

MoveOn.org spoke plainly about the Senator’s position against nonproliferation with Iran: “Our country doesn’t need another Joe Lieberman in the Senate, and it certainly doesn’t need him as a Democratic leader.” The group finds Schumer’s stance  — which will give cover to other Dems who want to back away — so offensive that it has pledged to withhold contributions from any Democrat until his name is taken out of the running to replace Reid in 2016.

This level of hardball is an echo from an earlier era of activism, and it pleases me because it’s highly effective. You can find more information on supporting the Iran proposal at http:///www.60DaysToStopAWar.com.

Schumer’s position plays into the hands of the Neocon war hawks — all of the GOP along with those beholden to the military-industrial complex — who want no easing of the stringent policies now in place unless it is to completely cut the nation off from allies, while bombing to the strains of something by John Philip Sousa. This hawkish rhetoric is, of course, old hat to those who remember painful Bush militarism — the smoke ‘n mirror campaigns that lured citizens by appealing to blatant nationalism — which is much of the American public, weary with war.

Threading the needle between Iranian threat,  both real and imagined, and a de-escalation of nuclear capability seems important enough, at this juncture, to bring an open mind to the table, and that’s what Obama is pitching, calling out the Pubs for their jingoism:

“… superpowers should not act impulsively in response to taunts, or even provocations that can be addressed short of war. Just because Iranian hardliners chant “Death to America” does not mean that that’s what all Iranians believe.

In fact, it’s those hardliners who are most comfortable with the status quo. It’s those hardliners chanting “Death to America” who have been most opposed to the deal. They’re making common cause with the Republican caucus.

The American Jewish community finds itself in the spotlight as both Obama and Netanyahu make appeals for their support. Once a given, younger Jews no longer line up with the Zionist policies furthered by Netanyahu’s radical Lukid party. The brutality of a Palestinian baby burned to death in a settler attack has forced the government into an apologetic posture this week, and done little to garner sympathy for their cause.

Now, as Netanyahu beats his chest and rails against the Iran deal, a number of his ex-generals and security chiefs, as well as the current Israeli president, have urged him to accept the agreement as a deterrent to nuclear capability. Change happens with or without our cooperation, which Mr. Netanyahu seems destined to discover, and timing is everything, as Senator Schumer may reflect upon very soon.

An elephant in the room of the first GOP debate, looming and ignored was climate change. It was never mentioned, which seems something of a stumble since McConnell, who (rightly) considers Obama’s Clean Power Plan (CPP) a “war” on the carbon-dense coal industry, has pledged to defeat it. Let’s not forget that the Kochs want the Environmental Protection Agency dismantled, and let’s not pretend that the Kochs don’t own much of the GOP. As the Donald pointed out last evening, when one makes a sizable donation one expects something back. Candor has its virtues, does it not?

Let’s hope that those watching the election hijinks are also scanning the news with a critical eye, as the Koch brothers have dropped any pretense of funding their campaigns from behind the curtain. Now they’re in our face. They’re waving their Citizens United flag, loud and proud, pledging over 800 million bucks for this campaign. They’re now engaged in a PR push to make themselves both visible and acceptable, just patriots attempting to restore America to all she used to be (think Gilded Age and weep). Remember: all she used to be was unregulated.

Flying in the face of the Pope and his unwelcome encyclical on the climate — denying empirical evidence in reports from the United Nations and the World Health Organization — Koch representatives are pushing the concept that attempting to regulate energy would produce more poverty and victimize developing countries. Outed by activism, ALEC, the legislative arm of the Koch billions, no longer bothers to hide in the shadows, although its satellite agencies still do.

Beware anything you read from  the (Exxon-funded) Committee For A Constructive Tomorrow (CFACT), which asserts that “climate-related restrictions harm poor families far more than climate change will.” Expect Americans for Prosperity, the Kochs’ Libertarian group, to question the Pope’s ‘radical’ religious values, accusing him of deliberately causing harm to the world’s poor, intent on increasing their numbers and sending them deeper into poverty, especially in America where Obama, climate scientists, and the Pope are all in cahoots.

So you can imagine the Kochs’ response to the President as he announced national standards to eliminate carbon emissions from power plants. His speech spoke to his awareness of environmental issues, and where he wants to go. The opening of the Arctic for drilling and the still-undecided Keystone pipeline project give us pause, but it’s evident that Obama knows the seriousness of the problem. His decisions seem more a matter of ship-of-state policy than personal desire. We can only hope that as he picks up speed in the next months, anxious to get things done, more of that authentic Obama comes to the table — and pounds it.

Sensing the moment, bless the Progressive caucus for stepping up to the plate this week to propose a resolution supporting Pope Francis’s views on climate change, putting congressional believers on the spot. Along with Senators Leahy (D-VT), Sanders (I-VT), Udall (D-NM), Merkley (D-OR), and Baldwin (D-WI.), Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) introduced the resolution, which included the following:

“The Senate stands with Pope Francis and the scientific consensus that human activity is the primary driver of climate change; present climate trends are unsustainable; and immediate action must be taken to significantly reduce greenhouse gas emissions in order to limit the deleterious effects of human-induced climate change.”

August is always a month when the Leo energy spurs our passions and raises the decibels, and that will be magnified by Mars’ entry into the sign of the Lion this evening. We’re deep into the prelude to an anti-establishment election — long time coming and so very welcome, in my opinion — that has no more patience with the buggered system or the moderate ‘triangulation’ made famous by the Clinton administration. Populism rules the day and the Kochs’ attempt to sell themselves as moderate-right populists is pure baloney. The appeal of the outliers (and front-runners, Donald and Bernie) is in their independence from big-money and backers who would force them to do their bidding, which allows them an unaccustomed level of candor that Mrs. Clinton is simply in no position to embrace.

Regarding the smackdown between the narrow view of the evangelical GOP and the progressive vision of Rome’s current Vicar of Christ, remember that the Pope is due to visit in September. He will address this Congress and, hopefully, challenge them to take an ethical stand on climate and capitalism and poverty.  Of all the shows we’re privy to, here in well-wired and plugged-in America, that’s one I don’t want to miss.

In the long hot summer of 2015, it may look like we’re going nowhere fast, but — trust me — the universe always knows what it’s doing. Lean back and enjoy it as you can, and don’t fail to appreciate the beauty and progress you see around you. We were warned that we were the change that we had expected, and (although we pretended that would be painless) now we know it’s true. And we’re stronger now, seasoned by our challenges and wiser for them. What each of us brings to the table will define our nation’s future, so keep a good heart and a vision for a healed and loving world. As Marianne Williamson told us, this is no time to play small.

Cthulian Overlords Debate Earth’s Domination

This is the first of a series of Fe-911 special reports on the Presidential debates here at Planet Waves, where the motto is: “We watch so you don’t have to!!” –fb

Officially, the Silly Season of 2016 — as we in America call the Presidential election campaign — has begun. Last night, much like HBO boxing events, the Republican Party officially offered not one but TWO rounds of debates at Cleveland’s Quicken Loans Arena: a preliminary round of low-polling candidates like Rick Perry, Carly Fiorina and Lindsay Graham followed by the main event featuring the more highly polled.

Using their earth-given names, these top 10 contenders — anyone with more than 2% polling popularity among Republicans — were: Manhattan billionaire Donald Trump; Florida Governor Jeb Bush; Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker; neurosurgeon Ben Carson; Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee; Texas Senator Ted Cruz; Kentucky Senator Rand Paul; Florida Senator Marco Rubio, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and Ohio Governor John Kasich.

These ten represent the highest polling presidential candidates among Republicans, which I like to call the New Order of Cthulian Leadership vying for the role of Extreme High Overlord of the United States.

FOX News did right this round, deciding ten was the most number of candidates you could cram on one stage at a time. This gave the candidates the opportunity for as much 10-second sound byte, personal attack, Obama-cootie accusation and starting-World-War-III talk that could reasonably be digested by a viewing public. I heard the earlier debate of five candidates was far more substantial, giving actual reasoned responses to questions, though no one was allowed in there to watch.

But this is what you need to know: Mr. Trump was clearly the front-runner, was booed for refusing to rule out a third party run, bragged about his bankruptcies and opted for single payer health care. Neurosurgeon Ben Carson will use water boarding as torture; and Jeb Bush attacked President Obama for his brother’s economic recession.

Ted Cruz will throw out Obamacare with an executive action, and everyone wants to build a dome over the United States, with one entry point: a turnstile with a ticket taker for immigrants to enter at the border. Mike Huckabee plans to invoke the 5th and 14th Amendments of the Constitution to protect the rights and personhood of unborn citizens, and if need be, could invoke the 2nd Amendment for the unborn to stand their ground in the face of imminent threat by birth control.

In other words, coining a new word for the English vocabulary, it was a combination of clash and bluster, which I call blusterfuckery. However, much to the horror of the rest of us, the Republican base loved it. I found after two hours of watching I needed a purifying mud facial to remove the excess of an unidentifiable sheen of an origin I could not comprehend. I swear I did not see any tentacles. And thank God for Jon Stewart, whose finale was on the same night, reminding me that human life does exist on Earth.

Should no winner be declared at the end of the 11 scheduled Republican debates, the top three remaining candidates will compete to the death by gladiatorial combat. This will be broadcast live by Univision.

I will return on Monday with my regular column on actual news.