Category Archives: Columnist

From the Compersion Series, or “It’s Not About Sex. It’s About Self.” : The Problem of Self-Esteem

For this week’s sex-and-relationships column, here’s the beginning of Part Three of Eric’s series on sexuality from 2008. That series, called “It’s Not About Sex. It’s About Self.” is an in-depth look into jealousy, self-esteem, compersion, intimacy and sexuality — and related topics. I’ve chosen Part Three because of its focus on self-esteem, which was a focus in Thursday’s subscriber issue as well as recent blog posts here on PW. — Amanda P.

Dear Friend and Reader:

THOUGH IT MAY be difficult to see, we have a serious self-esteem problem in our society. We are, in short, either taught that we don’t exist, taught to hate ourselves, or some combination of the two. Most people you see walking around on the street don’t feel worthy of love. And this seems to be a matter of selflove, or the lack thereof.

Fae from the Book of Blue by Eric Francis.

Fae from the Book of Blue by Eric Francis.

Self-hatred is perpetuated by nearly everything we see in the media, but most particularly advertising. It is reinforced hundreds of times a day, perhaps more boldly than any other emotion.

If we are lacking self-esteem — a problem so pervasive as to be invisible — we are going to have a lot of problems in relationships. This can account for much of our stuff around jealousy. For example, if we need a relationship to know that we exist, then we will naturally feel that our existence is threatened if our partner so much as smiles at someone else.

If much of our trip in relationships is designed to cover up a lack of real self-awareness, we are adding several dense layers of complication to finding out who we really are. It would seem that the real solution to our relationship stuff, our jealousy, our loneliness and many other factors, is to figure out who we are, enter a conscious relationship with that person, and then take that into our relationships with others.

In other words, we need to get to the place where the most honest relationship we have in the world is with ourselves, and then let that overflow into our encounters with the people around us — not forgetting what order these things happen. Unfortunately, we are taught to have relationships with ourselves that are based specifically on denying and deceiving ourselves. This is a sad state of humanity, but one that could be easily addressed — if we were somehow relieved of the fear to look within.

In today’s edition, I cover some points that have been raised over and over again, but which need to be repeated and I hope thought through. None of what you will read today is particularly original. We may feel that feminism has covered a lot of this ground, but it’s been a long time since. And a lot of things have happened since.

Continue reading here.

Because It’s Personal

By Judith Gayle | Political Waves

This is a week in which we’ve seen encouraging progress on important issues: the withdrawal of the Comcast/Time Warner merger after receiving heavy scrutiny from the FCC; the approval of our first black female Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, after over five months of stonewalling; the Supremes smacking down voting rights discrimination in North Carolina.

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The passage of the Human Trafficking bill came with less enthusiastic applause from the left. Held up due to questions of abortion for trafficking victims, the Dems relented when a secondary funding stream was established that was not subject to Hyde Amendment restrictions (monies collected from fines, not taxes). Let’s call this one a draw, but a win, at least in terms of allowing a vote for Lynch.

Despite these advances, this has been a tough week for Obama, who went public with the death of two hostages killed during a drone strike on an al Qaeda compound. This was a CIA black-op in Pakistan, successful in targeting ‘bad guys’ but with insufficient intelligence about the ‘good ones’ being held in the encampment. Obama held a briefing, apologizing to the families of the hostages, one American, one Italian, but with no mention of the deaths of two other Americans-gone-rogue — al Qaeda operatives — killed by U.S. military in January, one in this operation.

This has drawn attention back to our use of drones crossing international borders in search of terrorists, once more spotlighting our everlasting gobstopper of a WOT (war on terror). While it seems a chilling process, it takes a collection of these reports in order to get our attention, and even more disheartening, a collective public outcry to impact the policy. Add another chalk mark on the wall then, for public debate about drones (rather than boots on the ground), which despite being at question ethically, have become a recruitment tool for Islamic radicals. And that doesn’t begin to account for the national shame of ‘collateral damage,’ arguably in the thousands.

While Obama announced that he took full responsibility for the deaths of these innocents, he has also taken personal responsibility for an argument that has erupted between him and the Progressive Caucus, including many Dems who fall into the moderate camp. They have endured what Senator Sherrod Brown called an “unprecedented” “full-court press” from the administration to wave through fast track legislation on the Trans-Pacific Partnership trade deal (TPP). This has caused a donnybrook between that champion of progressive fiscal policy, Elizabeth Warren, and the Prez. And as it turns out, it’s highly personal.

A bit of background: the TPP is a pending trade agreement, five years in the making, between nearly a dozen Asian Pacific nations, including Japan, Mexico, Vietnam and Australia. Obama is dedicated to achieving this agreement, nailing down the rules that keep Chinese dominance at bay while protecting intellectual property, among other things, but there are serious questions about how this will play out in our brave new 21st century. Unfortunately, negotiations have been accomplished far from public scrutiny and with the help of corporate lobbyists and Wall Street savants.

Here’s Katrina vanden Heuvel of “The Nation” to define that process:

The TPP is a classic expression of the way the rules are fixed to benefit the few and not the many. It has been negotiated in secret, but 500 corporations and banks sit on advisory committees with access to various chapters. The lead negotiator, Michael Froman, was a protégé of former Treasury secretary Robert Rubin, and followed him from Treasury to Citibank, the bank whose excesses helped blow up the economy before it had to be bailed out. Although corporations are wired in, the American people are locked out of the TPP negotiations. And, as Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) said, “Members of Congress and their staff have an easier time accessing national security documents than proposed trade deals, but if I were negotiating this deal I suppose I wouldn’t want people to see it either.”

Corporations have their fingers in this pie because of their inclusion on U.S. Trade Representative advisory panels. Corporate reps number about 500, while another hundred slots are set aside for (less fiscally influential) representatives of organized labor, environmental and other groups that have interest in global economic affairs. All are pledged to secrecy.

About two years ago we began to hear murmurs about these negotiations, at about the same time that income inequality became apparent as a defining political issue. We know how this works: these big issues hide in plain sight until enough people take notice to bloom into full-fledged public awareness. One of the first to give a warning shout was Florida Rep, Alan Grayson, who pursued the secretive negotiation documents after examining a leaked document in 2012 that put liberals on alert.

Grayson is a fearless progressive, a plain-spoken man who was primaried and beaten by a Bagger in 2010 but returned to the House in 2012. After examining documents of the TPP draft, he fired the first warning shot about the trade deal that got my attention. Said Grayson, in 2013:

“What I saw was nothing that could possibly justify the secrecy that surrounds it. It is ironic in a way that the government thinks it’s alright to have a record of every single call that an American makes, but not alright for an American citizen to know what sovereign powers the government is negotiating away.” […]

“Having seen what I’ve seen, I would characterize this as a gross abrogation of American sovereignty. And I would further characterize it as a punch in the face to the middle class of America. I think that’s fair to say from what I’ve seen so far. But I’m not allowed to tell you why!”

Coming up to speed, the negotiations have matured over the ensuing months, but information about the resulting deal is still scarce as hen’s teeth. A fast track option would give Obama authority to make the deal without congressional discussion or amendment, requiring only an up/down vote. One would think this to be unpopular with Pubs, but evidently not. As long as corporate needs are being served, to hell with their commitment to oversight.

Dems, on the other hand, are taking fits, as illustrated by Harry Reid’s comment on the topic: “Not only no, but hell no.” Ditto Nancy Pelosi, but in more elegant lady-terms, demurring on the “disappointing” bill — known as Trade Promotion Authority — proposed by two Pubs (Ryan and Hatch) and Oregon Dem, Ron Wyden, while “looking for a path to yes.” But it was Elizabeth Warren who defined the progressive position.

“Before we sign on to rush through a deal like that – no amendments, no delays, no ability to block a bad bill – the American people should get to see what’s in it,” said the senator. Privy to the particulars, the Dems question if the trade deal will, in fact, provide increase in economic objectives that boost the economy and provide jobs, as advertised, or instead exacerbate income inequality.

No longer trusting the plutocracy, the left “want obligations written into the law that trading partners must live up to, not just objectives.” Warren suggested that Obama seemed to be deliberately hiding the facts from the public, adding, “If the American people would be opposed to a trade agreement if they saw it, then that agreement should not become the law of the United States.”

Obama expressed his frustration with the process of herding the rowdy Dems into his corner on this project, having asked them to trust him and his record for middle-class advocacy. It was at that point that he called dissenters wrong on the facts, saying “I would not be putting this forward if I was not absolutely certain that this was gonna be good for American workers.” We got a taste of that Leo temperament of his when he added, “When people say that this trade deal is bad for working families, they don’t know what they’re talking about. I take that personally. My entire presidency has been about helping working families.”

OK. Now, pardon me if I stop a moment to ponder the emotion behind those words. I’m not a starry-eyed Obama supporter. Neither am I painting this administration with a “dark and dismal” brush, or one wearing a “happy face” either — I just want to know what changed, what Obama sees that I don’t and why he says Elizabeth Warren doesn’t know what she’s talking about. I’d like to hear Obama’s actual argument for it, not the rhetoric that gets repeated over and over, reported by the talking heads. And while we’re at it, I’d like to know what other coercive secrets lie behind the TPP curtain.

I know what establishment politics is about, but those words — “I take that personally,” –hit a different chord than, say, when George W. defended his positions by calling himself “the Decider,” or when Rummy held forth on the “known unknowns” or even when Big Bill attempted to re-write the definition of sex by rethinking what “is” is. Obama’s statement feels very real to me. He seems to feel as though he’s putting his reputation on the line with this agreement, which on its face looks too flawed for a progressive to support.

Politics is the process by which the people we hire, by vote, bring balance to our financial, cultural and international relations. Their efforts design the world we inhabit today and will live in tomorrow. Obama is taking his vision for America personally, and — as he’s changed that view on trade from the one he campaigned on long ago — he must have a reason to be pounding the pulpit so strongly. Some would say we’ve already seen that presidential turnabout, i.e., betrayal, in troops sent here or there, drone strikes and matters of national security, but that feels different to me. Being shoved around by the complexity of the military-industrial complex as elected-savior of the world has a different flavor, entirely.

Me, I’m taking these politics personally as well. I believe that we no longer live in that insular world where we can do without one another, globally, nor do I think the politics of this age have much in common with those Bill Clinton wrestled when he gave us a trade agreement that has proven so detrimental. Trade agreements are a necessity, as are allies in a dangerously fractured civilization, and by and large, when we look back, we will note that Barack Obama has changed the trajectory of this nation and the way we do business on a global stage. But what my progressive leaders say reflects my portion of this process. While Obama steers the ship of state on a different course, my job — and yours — is to keep him honest.

What we really need now is a lot of sunshine, showing up in politics and culture and business, as well as in our relationships, our work experience, our inner dialogue. We need clarity, and if we look at what is — not dwell on what was or what might be — we can catch glimmers of the essential facts that describe us. Offering a helping hand, the universe seems to be demanding truth as well, creating glitches and gaffes that pull back the curtains and reveal reality, even if some of us choose to look away. There must be other shoes to fall in this matter of trade, and as we all live with the result of NAFTA, Obama is going to have to pony up some proof that TPP has more to offer than “more of the same.”

The Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC) is only one of many groups advocating against this treaty, their interest primarily environmental. With 40 percent of the world’s economy at stake, and many undeveloped areas at risk, the NRDC point to leaked documents that propose giving multinational companies the right to sue the federal government if environmental laws impede their profits. And polluters would press their claims in trade tribunals, behind closed doors and far from public scrutiny. “The Nation” piece, above, details examples.

You can sign their petition against the fast track agreement here, although this legislation is moving through committee quickly due to GOP approval. If you are seriously interested in making your voice heard, contact your legislators (here) and let them know how you feel about fast tracking an agreement constructed in secret, influenced by corporations and bankers. Let them know you want sunshine on this process and the details of the agreement itself. If you are interested in other activist opportunities, Google “TPP Fast Track activism.”

Politics can’t get much more personal than jobs and bank accounts and growing inequality, than assaults to our mutual environment. Those reading this, living the result of political decisions of the past, can surely attest. As Joe Biden would tell us, the TPP is a BFD. It’s time to take this VERY personally.

Danielle Voirin’s Photo of the Day for 04.24.15

Venice_2045

A gondoliere rebounds off the side of a vaporetto (water bus) on the Grand Canal in Venice, Italy.

Paris-based photographer Danielle Voirin travels the world and documents her experiences in photographs. She takes street photography and photojournalism a shade beyond even art, to the level of mysticism. You may see more of her work on her website DanielleVoirin.com, or her alt website, DaniVoirin.com.

Dispersing and Possibility

Earlier this year the zodiac was a bit lop-sided. For example, during the March 20 solar eclipse the Sun and Moon shared the last degree of Pisces while Mercury, Venus, Mars, Uranus, Neptune and Chiron were all clustered nearby in a corridor of less than 60 degrees.

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That corridor spanned from Neptune at 8+ Pisces to Venus at 3+ Taurus. The Moon, of course, moved on quickly.

Only this week have the rest (Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Uranus, Neptune and Chiron) gradually dispersed from each other to spread out over 90 degrees: from Neptune at 9+ Pisces to Venus in the middle third of Gemini today.

As result of the dispersing, the planets that were all so closely clumped together are now opening up to a greater range of major aspects with each other. That implies a greater range of possibilities in your life.

The major aspects begin with the conjunction, two objects occupying the same degree of the same sign at the same time. This is a temporary merger of energies beginning a new cycle between the two planets in question.

After the conjunction, the major aspects are sextile (a separation of 60 degrees on the zodiac and in the sky), square (90 degrees), trine (120 degrees) and opposition (180 degrees — on opposite sides of the zodiac and the sky).

We had a lot of conjunctions among the clustered planets earlier this year. You probably felt it. It was a lot of different energies mashing up. There was a sense of initiation, which was cool. There was also some frustration going around. A sense of confinement was common. The word “cluster” was frequently being used in a less-than-pleasant linguistic conjunction with another word, which (as Lenny Bruce pointed out) deserves a better reputation for its life-giving correlation.

You may remember all that. You might even have done some of that. You could even have conflated shaking the cage with escape. On the other hand, you might have seen reason for patience in the astrology and in your life.

Regardless, now the planets that were so recently so close together are dispersing. As the cluster spreads out, the conjunctions earlier this year are opening to supportive sextiles and maturing to challenging squares. Along with the dispersal there is a sense of greater possibility, an imperative to stretch or reach out, and a way of getting stronger.

That’s one trend in the sky. One question is whether you perceive how the trend might apply for you. There is bound to be a way. Surely some new possibilities have recently opened up that were not there for you earlier this year. Either that, or you can create a possibility for somebody else.

Even if some of your options are challenging, it’s probability better to stretch into them than pull back. Think about making an offer, or accepting one. You might even want to redeem that life-giving word you abused not so long ago. Be like the sky. For the time being at least, it would probably be worth your while to try.

Offered In Service

Len is available for astrology readings. You can contact him at lenwallick [at] gmail [dot] com.

Danielle Voirin’s Photo of the Day for 04.23.15

The last moment in the magical transformation of a dandelion.

The last moment in the magical transformation of a dandelion.

Paris-based photographer Danielle Voirin travels the world and documents her experiences in photographs. She takes street photography and photojournalism a shade beyond even art, to the level of mysticism. You may see more of her work on her website DanielleVoirin.com, or her alt website, DaniVoirin.com.

Standing Apart from Mommy Internet

By Amanda Painter

Most people I know have an ambivalent relationship to their Internet life and social media experience — neither wholly positive nor wholly negative. We’re all hurtling at fiber-optic speeds along a path whose implications for how and where we locate identity, self-esteem and emotional/spiritual nourishment are questionable (when they’re questioned at all).

Photo by Amanda Painter.

Photo by Amanda Painter.

This weekend’s first quarter Moon looks like it will be pushing your awareness of what that dynamic is really about, and what you need to do about it for your own emotional peace.

If you’re someone for whom a day without a selfie that gets 40 “likes” is a day when you feel unseen and unloved and question your life’s worth, pay close attention.

The Sun is in early Taurus, having ingressed Monday. The Moon is in Cancer right now, feeling tuned-in emotionally and especially keen on cozy domestic pursuits for the next couple days. It enters Leo Saturday at 9:13 am EDT.

By 7:55 pm Saturday night, the Leo Moon will make a right angle to the Sun (90 degrees). In the sky, you’ll see half of the Moon illuminated.

A first quarter Moon generally has the quality of feeling like a wave starting to build: it’s not cresting yet (that would be the Full Moon), but you can use its “push” energy to move projects into gear. It’s also about integrating what you learn as you turn that corner.

This particular first quarter Moon happens to be a T-square. Exactly across from the Moon and square to the Sun, asteroid Ceres is in early Aquarius. This is the planet of motherhood and agriculture/nourishment (among other things) in the sign of elite groups, crystallization of ideas, and technology.

Continue reading

Notes from the Slow Path

Here’s this week’s featured essay from the Cosmophilia website. Amy Elliott charts her path toward feeling a sense of belonging after being told quite the opposite early in her life. You’re invited to comment below if the piece strikes a chord with you. — Amanda P.

By Amy Elliott

So far I have heard two opposing and rather unappealing stories about my conception. I was the last child by a decade, and my father often used to call me an accident. More recently, I was told I was the instrument that kept my mother in her unhappy marriage for another 12 years.

Photo by Danielle Voirin

Photo by Danielle Voirin

I will probably never be certain exactly how much I was wanted, or for what reasons.

Growing up with my parents, and later their separate households and new partners, helped to cement my sense that I lacked worth. I was an encumbrance, a clumsy, moody liability who was generally yelled at, punished or ignored. I spent my teenage years in a pensive, petulant haze. There was no such place as home: in every dwelling I was an interloper.

I still carry this feeling today; in every circle, my very presence seems a presumption, making me comfortable nowhere. I qualify for enough psychiatric conditions to make a one-person mental hospital.

It is a profound indictment of the human condition that my case is very, very far from being unique. For many survivors, that fact is also an invaluable support.

Abuse can often leave a person feeling as though their life is a life sentence. There’s the guilt (albeit for another person’s crimes) and the sense of treading on eggshells; the notion that one is never quite free to be oneself; and the simple absence of the bubble of happiness that surrounds the more fortunate. Sadly, for many of us there are also insurmountable obstacles in the way of decent help, and of ultimate justice. Western society is still learning how to care for the mistreated.

In the meantime, I am continuing on my slow journey towards freedom. It’s a little like wading through treacle, and I sometimes have to remind myself that because I only got one ‘hiding’ as my father termed it, and because he never actually touched me inappropriately, I got away lightly. Because I have kind friends and some helpful family members, shelter and enough to eat, I am lucky. And after all, my experiences have given me better sensitivity, liberality and compassion. In a judgmental world, I feel blessed to have the gift of empathy, even though it can be like a thousand little pinpricks in my heart.

Continue reading here.

Danielle Voirin’s Photo of the Day for 04.22.15

Boy with beautiful profile looks at girl.  One night at a party in Paris.

Boy with beautiful profile looks at girl. One night at a party in Paris.

Paris-based photographer Danielle Voirin travels the world and documents her experiences in photographs. She takes street photography and photojournalism a shade beyond even art, to the level of mysticism. You may see more of her work on her website DanielleVoirin.com, or her alt website, DaniVoirin.com.