Stubby Fingers on the Red Button

I wasn’t surprised when Donald Trump became the presumptive Republican nominee for President after his overwhelming victory in the Indiana primary. What was more stunning to me was that, according to the rules and tradition in the presidential playoffs, Mr. Trump would be afforded what was his due as the Republican front-runner: a briefing by the CIA.

Now what will a briefing by the CIA entail?

Whatever the current President of the United States will allow. That could be an overview, or a more nuanced report. It could withhold information vital to the safety and security of the United States and its allies, or it could provide a sweeping overview of our country’s position and stance on certain hot spots as they stand now.

Whether it be a full-bore detailed account or a perfunctory bullet-point Power Point presentation, however vague or detailed the White House wants the CIA to get with Mr. Trump’s briefing, there’s no doubt any information afforded the Donald would run out his non-stop mouth at exactly the wrong time and with exactly the right amount of empty-headedness that we have come to expect. In other words, like a four-year-old running around the house with a very sharp pair of scissors.

I hope to provide some re-assurance to our readers from across the planet that we Americans are a bit stunned that Trump has made it thus far, and that he is offered this unique opportunity to get in on the information base of the world’s darkest spooks.

When I read about this in Daily Kos, it was enough to make me email Eric and Amanda with concern about this CIA briefing rule. I had a tightness building in my chest. As a former intelligence expert said: “It’s not an unreasonable concern that he’ll talk publicly about what’s supposed to stay in that room.”

That concern was noted by the White House press corps when asking White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest about the issue: What information would President Obama allow to be shared with the US’s leading blowhard? Earnest referred to the response by National Intelligence Director James Clapper. Clapper had said, in response to a question from The Daily Beast at a meeting with reporters in Washington last week:

“We have already established a plan for briefing both candidates when they are named, and certainly after November when the president-elect is known, and it gets more intensive.”

Asked what precautions the intelligence community would take to ensure that any classified information the candidates received was not mishandled, Clapper said that the briefings, per custom, would be given in a secure facility wherever it was most convenient for the nominees, and according to their schedule. In 2008, Sen. Barack Obama was briefed by Director of National Intelligence Mike McConnell at an FBI building in Chicago, the city where he also had his campaign headquarters.

Once a briefer is chosen to meet with the nominees, the intelligence director’s office will “oversee [the process] to ensure that everybody gets the same information and that we do comply with the needs to protect sources and methods and comply with security rules.”

The White House response did not provide any reassurance from Mr. Clapper’s response, and you have to wonder why.

Given Trump’s propensity for saying whatever the hell he wants — because God knows he’s safe on the 52nd floor of his huuuge Trump-built skyscraper and screw everybody else — it’s reasonable to believe that there HAS to be some sort of safeguard for the man who eschews the rules of propriety, decency and human compassion, let alone national security. Which leads me past the already fantastical reality presented in this article to a few conspiracy theories of my own.

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There’s a world of ratfuckery that the CIA has perpetrated on other political players — nationally and internationally — that they could also do to He-Who-Cannot-Be-Controlled.

It actually might be fun to sift through what the Donald will say about foreign policy post-briefing to see if there are trigger words, placed in his brain like some kind of Manchurian Candidate, that set off a campaign implosion or cause a national security risk.

He could well do that on his own, without the CIA’s help. Good God, he’s done it before. He’s doing damage to himself by just using his own lips.

Heaven help us for the repercussions when Donald opens his mouth — briefed or not. The adulation of crowds is a drug to a narcissist, who, when given the stage and the opportunity to be loved no matter what he says, can and will slip.

Good job, Republican Party, for introducing us to Sarah Palin in 2008 and for embracing the Tea Party in 2010. This is who we get because of it. Now, we have to send intention to the goddamned CIA, the national intelligence community AND especially the voters to make sure Mr. Stubby Fingers doesn’t press the red button, with his hands or his mouth. Even before and if heaven forbid he takes office.

This is a real Fe-911 — as in the call-in-case of emergency kind of 9-11 — signing off. See you in the comments.