I attended my first political rally and march in the spring of 2003. I was 23 and the U.S. had just declared war on Iraq, and I was pissed. So I went, enjoyed a walk in the sunshine with several thousand others, and felt pretty uplifted. But I also felt entirely ineffective.
I attended a few more rallies in the months to follow, and every time had the same reaction: that it was lovely to take a walk outside with friends, and that I was so glad people were passionate enough to shout through microphones about things that made sense, but that I felt like it wasn’t doing any good — that I wasn’t doing any good.
I realized then that I could have more of an impact in the world through interpersonal relationships. Through working on myself, through “being the change,” and then through aiming to be as authentic as possible in the hopes that anyone around me might change a little because of that, resulting in a ripple effect out into the world.
This insight was personal. It in no way meant that I thought rallies themselves to be ineffective, although I do bounce back and forth about that one to this day to some extent. It was that I didn’t feel it was the best use of my own time. In the past 11 years, this core understanding has blossomed within me, and I’ve realized that my work here during this time very much has to do with helping myself and others to shift their consciousness out of this paradigm and into the next (how was that for a summary?!).
Several years ago, I came across The Work That Reconnects and the three dimensions of the great turning. Lobbying and protesting are included, but so is working for shifts in consciousness. As I’ve mentioned in my column before, I love Joanna Macy’s work, and this simple breakdown allowed me to see that all of the components are necessary, all of the work is necessary.
I have to say, friends — at the risk of sounding like ‘one of those people’ who is always tossing around astrological transits as life changers — the Sun’s shift into Sagittarius was such a blessing. I feel lighter again. I feel playful. I feel like I have space to hopefully integrate after that gloriously horrendous eclipse season.
This exists in contrast, per usual, with the events in the world; and that contrast is increased by the Ferguson grand jury decision. As tends to happen with me any time there are mass protests or ‘civil unrest’, I tend to switch into this mode of ‘love and light will heal all.’ This mode isn’t evangelistic, I’m not preaching, it’s just a way of moving on the Earth, with a smile in my heart and the remembrance that I really do believe love is the only way through.
I’m all too aware of how my inner critic bristles when I make statements like that — an awareness of how it can sound: maybe delusional, maybe privileged, maybe a whole host of other things. And oh, how grateful I am for the people who do willingly take to the streets in attempt to express and make a statement and band together. I’m grateful for the people who are paying close attention and covering the story in as balanced a way as possible. Per the aforementioned dimensions, work of that kind buys time, saves some lives and ecosystems, species and cultures. But it is insufficient to bring a sustainable society about.
I was listening to NPR the other day, which I haven’t done in a very long time. They were interviewing a pastor from the Ferguson area. I can’t give you the details of the interview, because my brain started wandering away from his words in expectation that he would not address what I see as a core issue — that we need to love each other above and beyond anything else; that that is the shift that is really needed.
I tuned back into what he was saying, and there it was: he was talking about how his son would be staying with him through Thanksgiving, and about how his son had asked if he could go join the protests. The pastor expressed some conflict about it, but also wanted to let his son express his voice. But what it really came down to for him was the belief that we just need to love the **** out of each other through this. We need to greet this situation, and all situations with love — including the times when the injustice is too much, and we feel like the love is lost. Love ourselves and each other through that, too.
It made me smile. It also made me cringe a bit as I glanced over at my bag full of groceries and goodness that I’m so blessed to have, leading to the loop of “but what about people who are suffering so much that contemplating love is not even a thought that’s ever crossed their mind?” But that is a topic for another day.
I was talking yesterday with the husband of my late best friend; he is walking the painful path of his first year, his first series of birthdays & other festive occasions, alone. Amidst his grief, I hear gratitude for the twenty years they had together, for all he learned from & with her, though he’d have wished for many years more. As would I, for I miss her greatly.
We spoke briefly of the insanity & tragedy in the world around us, & how we each just need to back off from the “news” sometimes. Then, he said he has decided to choose to simply live with “as much love in my heart as I can manage”, & mostly let the rest of it go. Yes, I thought, we need to do that.
I’m twice your age, Amanda – I did some protesting & poster-making back in the day for the anti-nuke movement here in Canada – but also came to feel it was not particularly helpful.
It’s easier to SAY “Be the change”, or “Simply love” than it is to DO it – but you’re right. It is the only way, & if we are able to remain mindful of living our beliefs, perhaps we can change things. A little bit here, a little bit there… Thank-you for the encouragement.
Amanda – you seem to speak my thoughts exactly. I wonder if my participation in changing things matters as much as changing my consciousness. If I participate in efforts to control or affect change on the outside do I only ultimately distract my consciousness from what it really needs to do to affect change? Is not the idea of outer effort really just the same-ole-song and dance? If I want to change the world then I must become the change I seek. Wayne Dyer said that Mother Teresa would not march in a demonstration against the war in Vietnam but she would march for peace. That is how I seem to feel anymore. And the change I am seeking is one where we all love and respect each other, where no one has to fix anything for me to love them and see the very best in them. I am not a victim. I am not a Villon. I am just here. And like you sometimes I wonder if I am just a childish dreamer. Sometimes the difference between what I hope to see and what is expressing in the world – is just so far apart – I wonder if there is any hope. I hope that this is the time for doing this work. I want to be a force for changed consciousness. I want to believe that love matters.
I felt that Sagittarian rush too, , dearr Amanda. But seem to have plunged into gloom again – maybe the last part of Saturn in Scorpio hitting.! But it’s constructive gloom, where much of what Eric describes above is happening.
Don’t know if this news storry from Germany has been given much attention in your part of the world. Once again, a devastating story, but it has brought out an incredible reaction of love and solidarity, with people taking to the streets . I feel aware of how where there is darkness there is always llight, how life is an interplay of dark and light:
http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-30268653
And yes – I agree totally. Change in the world starts with ourselves. We need to work towards becoming the peace and love we want to see outside us – which also means accepting the mean, aggressive, fearful parts of ourselves and taking responsibiliy for them ratheer than projecting them out.
“I’m grateful for the people who are paying close attention and covering the story in as balanced a way as possible. Per the aforementioned dimensions, work of that kind buys time, saves some lives and ecosystems, species and cultures. But it is insufficient to bring a sustainable society about.”
It astonishes me how often you express ideas that represent exactly where I am, Amanda. I very much appreciate your efforts every week.
Bette – you’re welcome! And thank you for sharing.
cowboy – “Wayne Dyer said that Mother Teresa would not march in a demonstration against the war in Vietnam but she would march for peace.” Oh my, thank you for sharing this! I love it! And I’ve often said: if I’m supposed to have big goals and aspirations, I figure it’s best to aim huge and my aim is to do what I can to “help save the world;” my “career” choices and personal life choices fall under that umbrella as much as possible. Love DOES matter!
Lizzy – thank you for sharing. Hugs to you. I’m reminded of a saying…something to the effect of “when the shadows seem darker it’s just because the light is getting brighter.”
Strawberry – I’m so, so glad it resonates. As always, thank you for letting me know!
Thanks, dear Amanda! ((()))
Thank you for speaking my mind, what I have also felt and expressed.
I used to think less of myself because I’m not a campaigner, am uncomfortable in large crowds, get embarrassed with too much attention. Somewhere along the line, I got it. Love is indeed the answer, loving the person who is standing right next to me, accepting my husband for who he is…
Seeing the humanity in each of us, calling out for love and acceptance, brought me to an awareness of babies and little ones. We are born with such vulnerability, and need to know and FEEL early on the security of love and attachment. We need the nurturing that springs from love in order to feel safe. The more safe and secure we are, the more attached we can be to one another. Aware that we live in not so perfect a world, I have found my niche…adopting 4 children, and being present to each, and to the babies that come from these four. It may sound like so little,
but my children have let me know otherwise.
Ah – but you’ve done so much, Vgosal. That’s so beautiful!