Dear Madame Zolonga: My Venus is not a robot!

Dear Madame,

Help! I just discovered I have Venus in Aquarius. While that explains a lot about (what I think) is my progressive spirit, it doesn’t do a damned thing for my love life. In fact, after picking up a few astrology books at the local Barnes and Noble and looking through them, I really don’t like what’s said about my Venus! Thank god the men I date don’t read them, or I wouldn’t get any responses at all.

Cold? Clinical? Weirdo? Well, I embrace “weirdo” since I’m old enough to accept my differences, but I really do have a beating heart beneath my apparent metal casing. Am I doomed to the “friend zone” as my kid would say, or will I only find the love of my book club ladies? This feels cruel, really.
— Not a robot

Dear lovely human,

The Moon will enter Leo Friday, the sign of your partnership house, so we’re having a highly appropriate conversation here. Good timing!

Venus in Aquarius is indeed a tricky Venus. If you dig into the old astrology books, you’ll learn that Venus is supposedly wet and warm and moist and fertile. (The old dudes clearly knew nothing about the true nature of the planet Venus’ climate.) So Venus loves it when she travels through signs that are also wet and warm, or at least a little drippy.

And there’s that word, “drippy.” All that moisture makes Aquarius cringe! Aquarius is a dry, cool, airy sign. Drips need not apply. Which in your case, is an excellent thing because drips are boring and the last thing you want is boredom.

But as you say, you’re also as human as the next woman and possess a beating heart that wants love as much as the next woman. So let’s talk about what Venus brings to the dinner table of partnerships.
Firstly, and probably most importantly, your partner must be interesting. You define “interesting.” That’s key, because you’re not typically attracted to someone who follows the norm of any culture or subculture for long.

You may, in fact, be otherwise happy in a conservative milieu, but you’ll always be drawn to the questioning types. When the pastor’s daughter gets married, everyone buys dishware off the registry, but you buy her a copy of the Kama Sutra. If everyone drinks Coke at the restaurant, you’ll start a conversation with the gal drinking Pepsi. It’s just like that all the time.

The question is why? Why are you so attracted to difference? I could go on and on about how cerebral you are, how “airy” and how dispassionate your Venus is, how given to humanitarian, egalitarian causes, but you could get that from any book. Sure you’re curious. But what are you curious about?

For that, let’s look at your Venus’ partnership house — the sign of Leo.

Could it be that you’re simultaneously attracted to and repulsed by every go-getter who ever threw a spotlight on their face? All that pushiness! All that obvious pandering to the crowd! Brass balls, indeed. Why would someone put themselves out like that? Tacky.

Or is it? For all her humanitarianism, an Aquarian Venus is still looking outside in on the human condition. But you’re just as much a human as the rest. You have a heart! And the heart of humans is what you’re here to love on.

Yet what is it about a Hallmark card that turns you off? Perhaps all that mushy stuff isn’t so distasteful as much as intimidating.
Getting in touch with your inner Leo is KEY. Time to flip the formula and slip yourself into a little sparkly golden number.

Here are a couple of experiments for you.

Buy a little something golden. Maybe a piece of amber or citron. Wear it around for a week. Or buy a warm yellow vase and stick it in the middle of your dining room table. Go visit the lions in the zoo and sketch them. Hang out with kids. Make funny faces and silly noises with them. Giggle a lot. Sing “You Are My Sunshine.”

Or how about this? Buy a fuzzy sweater dripping in paillettes, slip on some Whitney Houston (or Mick Jagger, Jerry Garcia, Tony Bennett, Robert Plant or Tori Amos) and rock it HARD in your living room. Step out from the chorus line, and cast yourself as the STAR. What about belly dancing lessons? Burlesque classes?

If none of this appeals, crack open a chapter on Leos in your astro book and pick one thing you like about them. Underline that thing. And then PRACTICE it.

Here’s my point. We tend to seek people with the qualities of our 7th house signs, assigning those qualities to ‘complete’ us. And dear, that may work for a couple of years into the relationship, but by year three, we’re done. You may have already discovered this.

For your Aquarius Venus, it wants a Leo Mars. Or a Leo Moon. Or just a Leo. It wants someone who’s willing to stand OUT. Someone with the courage and heart to be different.

But no one’s born to play just one role, and we do ourselves a great harm by casting our 7th house sign as the person to fulfill all our partnership needs. At some point we get the message we are our own partners. When we embrace both sides of every planetary archetype, we get a fuller picture of our inner lives. We can’t be typecast.

Right now Jupiter is in Leo — as is transiting Venus. Now’s the time to practice incorporating a little jazz into your Venus routine. It’ll feel really weird at first, but you have a thing for weird, so this is just a new weird. This is just rehearsal.

As you ease into your inner Leo, remember the point is to touch hearts and warm minds. If you find a few things you genuinely love, that love will make you GLOW. That new glow, along with your inbuilt love of letting people be themselves, will make an unforgettable impression on anyone you meet. You’ll soon be ready to meet and greet like a superstar!

XX,
Madame Z