Although we think of Venus when we think of touch and our body’s response to it, Venus also rules Libra, the sign of relationships. With Mercury retrograde in Libra and this weekend’s Full Moon eclipse on the Aries-Libra axis, it may be worth considering how much we can communicate through touch — and what is not being expressed or heard when we lack touch. This article by Freya Watson first appeared on Elephant Journal. — Amanda P.
It was two in the morning and I was awake again, tossing and turning under the quilt with a restless yearning. My body had been used to being held, loved, stroked and pleasured, and it was suffering withdrawal symptoms.
I’d been separated — and celibate — for almost a year and was badly missing intimate physical contact. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I couldn’t find a massage therapist or a casual partner. I’d had plenty of massages, but none of them quite hit the spot.
And casual partners weren’t exactly abundant at the time, for some reason. It wasn’t sex I was after, anyway — it was loving touch. The kind of touch a new lover naturally showers on their beloved in the early days of exploration and wonder.
I knew what I needed and was willing to ask, but finding it was another story. Luckily the dry period didn’t last long, though, and pretty soon my body was again feeling that happy glow that comes with being touched with love.
In the years since, when I take time off writing to see clients for healing, I’ve noticed how common it is to see people whose whole energy is begging, ‘touch me — please!’ Not that they’re necessarily aware of it, or looking for me to touch them. It’s just that they may not have had intimate contact with another person in years, and may have even forgotten how to allow themselves to be touched. Even if they’re in a relationship and sexually active, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are experiencing true intimacy and loving touch. Sex and intimacy don’t always go together. I wonder how many people go through adult life without being properly touched?
Our bodies are built for connection. Not just a casual hug or hand on the shoulder.
We’re built to thrive on love, and intimate touch is a natural physical manifestation of love. And by intimate touch I mean the kind that says ‘I’m right here, fully present with you, in this moment,’ rather than intimacy that is just about genital contact. It’s an intimacy which can be shared with anyone we love, not just sexual partners. Studies have shown that the cells in our bodies expand when they feel love and contract when they feel its opposite, and our ability to use our touch to transmit that energy to another is an innate gift which we all carry.
Modern society is moving further and further away from touch as a natural, integrated part of everyday life.
To fill the gap, we have created services that people buy and sell, but it’s not that same and we’re losing touch with our own natural ability to bring healing and pleasure to those close to us.
“Massage is needed in the world because love has disappeared. Once the very touch of lovers was enough. A mother touched the child, played with his body, and it was massage. The husband played with the body of his woman and it was massage; it was enough, more than enough. It was deep relaxation and part of love. But that has disappeared from the world. By and by we have forgotten where to touch, how to touch, how deep to touch. In fact touch is one of the most forgotten languages.” ~ Osho from ‘Hammer on the Rock’
Reawakening that ability for loving touch can be one of the simplest and most beautiful gifts to ourselves and our loved ones. At its most basic, just showing up and being willing to touch someone with the intention of bringing healing or love can be a comforting experience for another. And sometimes it’s as easy as that. We may shy away from placing soothing hands on an aching back or stroking a tense head, thinking drugs or a doctor are more efficient, or not wanting to spend the time. Surprisingly, though, it can be all that’s needed to shift a mood, lighten discomfort, or unlock a deeper emotional layer that’s ready to be cleared. More importantly, touch connects people and increases that sense of trust and love in the world in a way that doctors and drugs struggle to do.
In essence, reclaiming our ability to lovingly touch another — whether child, friend or lover — can be as straightforward as practicing the following four qualities. The more often we practice them, the deeper our touch can go.
Clear intention. Be clear about why you want to touch another and stay focused on that intention. Are you intending to create a sense of well-being? Or pleasure? Or comfort? Whatever it is, be clear in your mind about it before you start. As an experiment, ask a friend to close their eyes and try two variations of the same touch — stroke their arm once while thinking of your favorite movie, and then a second time while intending that they feel your love. Then ask if they noticed any difference.
Love. It sounds simple to say ‘love the one you’re with’ but it’s not always that easy to access a feeling of love for someone at the drop of a hat. So find another way in to the energy — twiddle that internal dial until you find that feeling of love somewhere inside (try music, or the face of a lover, or the memory of a warm summer’s day). Use your mind or senses to find a catalyst that can bring you back to a deep feeling of love, then refocus the energy on the person you’re with.
Presence. You can’t hear what another’s body is trying to say to you if your mind is busy, so bring that mind fully into the moment! Focus on the sensation of touch, or on synchronizing your breathing with the person you’re touching, if you need to have something to keep the mind busy. Being present brings a stillness, and intuition reaches us through that stillness.
Trust. Trust that you can bring a sense of well-being and love to another by touching them. Trust that somewhere deep inside, you know how and where to touch them. Then follow your instincts, get on with it and see where it leads you.
Feelings of pleasure and well-being aren’t just for the lucky one who’s being touched, either.
The beauty of feeling another opening under your touch and discovering the depths that can be hidden in the body brings with it a deeper connection to the mysteries of life as well as a sense of profound gratitude for this simple gift. So find a partner and get touching! Then teach your kids.
Freya Watson describes herself as a writer, lover, mother and female mystic. A respected author and teacher, she bases much of her work on how we ground our heart-felt truths into the everyday experience of relationships, work and family. Freya’s books are on Amazon, and she is currently lying low while she works on several volumes of fiction. You can also find her on Facebook and read more on her blog.
This is so very timely. Thank you.
This instructional opens a beautiful door that has been open to me for years and has a depth that evades logical understanding which my body has long grasped. But lately I have found it difficult for some reason to just float in the bliss of touch, needing to perceive the reason and end point, which totally separates me from me. I am uncertain why it has been less intense lately but I perceive that maybe this instructional guideline may reignite the fire later tonight. Thank you, Freya, for this articulate descriptive sensual reconnection to what my body knows. Mind silence is the key. I go silent now.
” But lately I have found it difficult for some reason to just float in the bliss of touch, needing to perceive the reason and end point, which totally separates me from me.”
That’s a really interesting thing to notice, Cowboy. I hope you’re able to use this information to explore what that’s about, and find the way back to “floating in the bliss of touch.”
Amanda, last night we watched the eclipse and just when the reemerging of the moon commenced we went to the bedroom and we were much more connected than we have been. I seemed to be freer in my responsiveness and initiatives’. It was not total mind silence yet but moving in that direction.
As for the why of things I don’t know but if the total release comes back – I don’t care.
There have always been cycles in our sex life and so I expect there always will be but this time of year has proven to be sexually good for two Virgos like us – however this year is an enigma. We find ourselves working at it and feeling somewhat let down during a time of the year where we usually reconnect deeply and bond completely, consummated by multi-orgasmic episode’s. Different this year. 54 and 53 this year, hope this isn’t an omen.
Cowboy — I would not count out the effects of Mercury Rx in Libra, as well as Venus *still* working its way out of shadow phase in Leo. Not knowing your charts, I can’t say how much those things are factors. But with Mercury in the sign of relationships and with Venus the planet of love (in your solar 12th house, no less), it might be worth considering.
I, too, notice in myself distinct cycles of connecting (and not), or of sexual interest (or not); with strong Venus and Cancer influences, I’m learning to take the cycles in stride — to learn as much as I can with them, without reading too much into them. Assuming, of course, that the sense of things being cyclical is not accompanied by some other, more acute, intuition/instinct/information.
Good luck to you both!