By Amanda Painter
Did you know that self-care is sexy, healthy, genuinely loving, and can actually enhance your relationships? Yes, there are certain circumstances in which self-sacrifice is ‘the right thing to do’ and serves the highest good for all involved. But it’s easy to romanticize self-sacrifice to the point of self-harm — and ultimately, that isn’t good for you or your relationships.
Photo by Amanda Painter.
Note that ‘self-sacrifice’ is not the idea behind true service. It does not serve humanity to turn yourself inside out, caring for everyone else but not for yourself.
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In terms of the question of sacrifice or care in your own life, this weekend’s astrology says you have a choice. You have chance to reset the balance in this equation if it’s gone askew in your life.
Here’s the scene: the Sun in Cancer (with Mars nearby) is entering into a T-square with the Moon’s South Node (in Aries) and North Node (in Libra). This T-square is exact Saturday. Without getting too technical, the Moon’s nodes are hypothetical points related to its orbit; they also indicate eclipses when a Full Moon and New Moon happen near them.
You can think of the South Node as relating to karma — whether for you that means old habits and patterns that hold you back from true growth, or actual past-life baggage. The North Node relates to dharma — that is, what you can grow toward; your soul’s higher purpose; ‘acting as if to hold the world together’. To have the Sun, symbol of your consciousness, balanced between these two points signals an opportunity to be more fully aware of your ability to choose actions that move you further along one of those two paths.
Interestingly, the asteroid Vesta is conjunct the South Node in Aries. Vesta tends to express in one of two ways. In positive form, it is devotion to your inner flame of creativity, devotion to your erotic fire, and devotion to service for the highest good of all. In a more ‘shadow’ expression, it can indicate detrimental sacrifice of some sort.
So this is where the question comes in regarding whether you have a tendency toward sacrificing yourself — your inner spark — to the point that it’s unhealthy. Or, if you’re actually devoted to personal growth, does it ever cross the line into self-absorption?
The Cancer Sun brings in the question of how you take care of yourself and others. In balanced relationships (with ‘balance’ and ‘relationships’ both themes of Libra, where the North Node is), both happen. You are able to keep your inner flame burning, and also nurture and nourish those whom you love. Likewise, anyone in relationship to you is able to do the same: they cultivate their own devotion to their healing, growth and inner sense of identity, yet also care for you in loving ways. And you allow yourself to receive it.
Unfortunately, the balance swings out of whack often for many people. For example, it’s pretty common to see someone who compulsively puts everyone else first, and therefore is running on fumes and never receives support. On the opposite end is rampant self-absorption, which can still creep in under the guise of seeking ‘spiritual’ enlightenment.
But what I also see in this astrology is that the Cancer Sun is conjunct the asteroid Eros, named after the Greek god of love. Here’s my simple take on what this means:
The cosmos is trying to focus your attention on the fact that self-care is sexy when it’s in balance with your relationships. In fact, devotion to stoking your own fire — with full awareness of how caring is a two-way street — frees you up to enjoy interdependence rather than getting bogged down in co-dependence.
Or to bring things down to Earth in blunt terms that the God of Love himself could groove with: taking care of your own orgasms frees you to care about your partner’s pleasure, minus any guilt, resentment or sense of lack — and vice versa.
No partner? That’s okay; when you take care of your own true needs, you set your inner balance to a place where caring for others is not a substitute for what they are not giving you in return; it’s something you do because you have enough inside to share. Now that’s love, baby.
Now that’s a great piece, Amanda. Thank you especially for the astute distinction between co-dependence and interdependence. If there is anything to be continuously and consciously aware of in the atmosphere implied by our current astrological trends, that distinction has to be a leading candidate for priority.
Thank you, Len — I am glad to know you find value in these ideas and words! Always a relief to hear from a fellow astrologer.
Yes. Thanks you for this great piece and exquisite photo, Amanda. Like Littlebird (I think that was the name?), I too am a great admirer of your photos – they put me in touch with my deep love of nature – and although they are highly sophisticated, on one level (from a technical point of view), they convey a child’s unspoilt vision of the natural world – they take me back to a place I love.
Lizzy: “although they are highly sophisticated, on one level (from a technical point of view), they convey a child’s unspoilt vision of the natural world – they take me back to a place I love.”
I can think of no higher praise! Thank you. And while I still have so much to learn on the technical side of photography, I take great joy and pleasure from exploring the natural world with my camera from my inner child’s perspective. (Though, truth be told, sometimes I like to pretend I’m a bug…) I’m grateful to know I can help others get to that wonder-Full place.
😉
Hey Lizzy – just wanting to share this with you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3tLhiuaZY4
Cheers sweetheart! Really looking forward to checking it out in my lunch break (in fact, will bookmark it now, just in case…).
Bless you for this, dear Cowboyiam! There’s an unbeliievable synchronicity in your posting this – as it addresses stuff that I’m working on really intensely right now. He talks about meeting the fear in the gut, etc – a lot of fear has been coming up for me (full moon opposite my sun, Saturn back in Scorpio), this is just what I’ve been trying to do. it’s not easy – but it’s incredibly liberating. And this is so helpful. Thank you! ((()))
Gosh, here we are with the Sun opposite Christmas and the astrology is asking us to balance the concepts of giving and receiving. It couldn’t be more appropriate, Amanda. Thank you once again for yet another stimulating and pertinent observation. I promise to subscribe just as soon as finances allow. Us poor pensioners, you know…
One problem for me has always been finding a balance between self-care and self-absorption, that narcissistic boundary between sufficient and too much where nothing exceeds like excess.
Having been born at a time when homosexuality was illegal, my adolescent wisdom advised self-repression as a means to avoid arrest and incarceration. What this sorcerer’s apprentice didn’t realise was the psychic strength he could command to drive that repression deep into the subconscious. By the time of legalisation at age 23, I was unable to release the sex genie from its Titanically-submerged bottle because, in essence, I felt too old to be that inexperienced. Some of the boarding school-educated guys that I ran into at my first gay pub had been doing it since the age of 12. I felt mortified and, I guess, another layer of wisdom-confidence withered on the vine. To wring a wry astrological smile from my situation, I have Sun conjunct South Node opposite Pluto conjunct North in the 8th.
But enough about self-care, let’s have some self-absorption. Cross-topicing as I so often do here, Lizzie, I was wondering if you could oblige me with the name of the system and/or sage/philosopher you mentioned in correspondence with Cowboyiam recently. Hot topics move so fast here on PW that I can’t seem to locate it. Any help you can give would be very much appreciated as I feel it could be right the path for me at this time. And if there’s anything I can do in return…
OK, I’ll shut up.
Hi sweetie,
Think it was Rupert Spira that I wrote about (a non-dualsit teacher), here are his videos:
https://www.youtube.com/user/rupertspira
And here’s a beautiful meditation from Moojie (I clal him the Bob Marley of non-dualism – you’ll understand why when you hear him):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuVCFEqv1AY
Hope it works for you. let me know!
Hi Geoff – I posted two links for you – but it hasn’t gone through yet – as sometimes happens in such cases. So watch this space! xx
Thanks, Lizzie. They’ve arrived and I look forward to watching them. Neither of the names ring a bell but I’m sure they’ll become part of my journey.
Your earlier correspondent was alittlebird, BTW.
Geoff
“One problem for me has always been finding a balance between self-care and self-absorption, that narcissistic boundary between sufficient and too much where nothing exceeds like excess.”
Indeed, Geoff. I think this is a challenge for so many of us these days, *especially* if we have any guilt complexes to work through. I’ve found that once I get into the inner debate with that gremlin, it can be easy to get lost in confusion and doubt as to what the balanced, healthy, compassionate (toward self and others) path truly is.
Thanks, Amanda. Is there anyone who doesn’t have guilt complexes to work through, I wonder? I believe one of the reasons we build elaborate and hierarchical social structures is so that those at the top can unload their dirt onto those “in service” lower down the chain.
Hi Amanda. Thank you so much for this piece. It is so relevant to what I’m going through right now. It has given me a boost of self-confidence to stay on track even though the changes I’m making don’t feel second nature yet. Blessings to you.
Robin — grateful to hear this is relevant for you. I wish you luck and much heart as you get used to the changes you are making.
Amanda,
perfect …. “The cosmos is trying to focus your attention on the fact that self-care is sexy when it’s in balance with your relationships. In fact, devotion to stoking your own fire — with full awareness of how caring is a two-way street — frees you up to enjoy interdependence rather than getting bogged down in co-dependence.”
The cosmos has moved me toward action today… these words are a confirmation of the deep inner connection to cosmos.
Greatefully,
Christine
So good Amanda!! Bravo and thank you!