Special thanks to Daniel Grimsland, who performs “The Romans Are Coming (and it’s gonna be a mess). The lyrics are at the bottom of the page, below all the audio players.

Kate Ryzhenko is Princess Kukurudza, and her dad Anatoly does the voiceover for the opening sequence (to hear that, just go to the show page). We’ve also included some sound effects. You may hear the whole program here. It’s currently the top program. Ted Lawrence plays the role of the Dick McGregor, the Etruscan-American activist, and Andrew Slater is Hank Hansen, our lawn mower expert.

BIG WUP TRAFFIC CHOPPER REPORT

TYPEWRITER CAFE ADVERT

KINGSTON’S HOTTEST CLUB ADVERT

THE ROMANS ARE COMING (SONG)

ZINKO FELLINI INTERVIEW

Yummy Yummy

Kukurudza

Riff and Raff

GAS MOWER WILL NOT START

GAS MOWER

PUSH MOWER

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“The Romans Are Coming (And It’s Gonna Be A Mess).”

We have words
You don’t know what they mean
We’re not exactly Greek
Not exactly chic

We are the Etruscans
The Romans are coming,
and it’s gonna be a mess.
But they are not here yet

Romulus and Remus
Ride the Rosen Bridge
The future is a magnet
Pulls us all toward it

We are the Etruscans
Constantine is on his way
They’re gonna whup ya with Jesus
But we are here today

We’re in the age Iron
We left the Bronze behind
Except Chimerra of Arezzo
He is bronze, it slipped my mind

We are the Etruscans
You haven’t got a clue
That we were even here
And we don’t know about you.

Bridge

Oh no the pope is next
Oh no the pope is next
Oh no the pope is next
Oh no the pope is next

Oh yeah the Romans are coming
You better watch your step
Lead goblets and meat on a stick
Look the other way, and your ass they will kick.

The Romans are coming.
It’s gonna be a mess.
Except for the Vestal Virgins. They are cool.