Live the Questions Now

I’ve been swimming in a very Piscean existence as of late — the happy, euphoric version of Pisces I so adore. I’ve been joking that I’m in an extended phase of undiagnosable, totally maintainable and functional mania.


Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

I scheduled a session with my therapist this past week just to check in, as I’ve been aware that I’m not really processing or thinking about things, and am clear that there are some sharks underneath the surface. Not to say I need to be digging and analyzing all the time.

I’m also aware, however, how much of my chart is being Neptunized at the moment and that many of my beliefs are in a dissolution process. I wanted to kind of force myself to take some space to look a little deeper.

In short, the transiting nodal axis is rubbing up against my Venus-Saturn-Neptune T-square, while transiting Neptune opposes my Mars-Jupiter conjunction. My progressed Moon is in balsamic phase in Pisces, also opposing that Mars-Jupiter.

Much of what has been coming up for me has been constellating a lot of what I refer to as the Priestess Complex. Through interactions with a variety of lovers lately, I’ve been seeing the complex from new angles. I’ve been recognizing how much I’ve re-written some of those scripts and how far I’ve come in many ways.

I’ve also realized how many scripts are in complete flux, and how strongly one or two of the more painful core ideas and beliefs about who I am in love and relationship are still lingering. I’ve been observing all of these things, feeling like now is not a time for deep diving into them, but for gathering information — and for enjoying the wonders of my 8th house Pisces Venus, who really enjoys the sacredly sexual components of my existence.

Thanksgiving morning, I plunged into an old script. I received a text from a lover I parted ways with a while back. Our parting was my choice and it was one of the most painful experiences of my life. It was a big relationship, although relatively short. We have had some contact since then, but not much. I’ve had to do the boundaries and discernment thing a lot.

The text basically just wished me well and sent love and hugs. He also, however, told me that he was in a better place emotionally than he has been in decades and that he is grateful for the role I played in getting him there.

Two of my past scripts read something along the lines of: Men come in and project all of their darkest stuff onto me, and then leave it there and move on, and they come, get healing, and then go have relationships. I read his text, and although I knew his sentiment was one of loving gratitude, it triggered the heck out of me, feeling more like a punch to the stomach. Or the heart.

Figuring out how to be discerning in romantic relationships is the Saturn part of my natal T-Square, and it’s come to my attention that I really do have to discern between romantic connections versus the connections that should probably take place in a therapeutic space. Being discerning once the Neptunian energy has taken off has been damn near impossible for me in the past — I get tapped into the possibility of transcendent love, and can see through to the core of who I think someone is, flaws and all.

The sensual and sexual components of the energy that can exist between my lovers and myself feels so good that I have tended to figure: why not just enjoy it? Deeper than that, however, my open and accepting heart is one of my favorite parts of being me. Shutting that down in any way has tended to make me sad.

I’ve gotten so much better at discernment, but reading that text put me back in some old head-space. I also tapped into how visceral a complex can be — I know those scripts to be true because they play out! All the time! Even with heaps of awareness and growth! How does one move on from that? Or, perhaps more accurately stated: how does one continue to move into relationship ‘knowing’ the outcome?

I really dislike even typing those things out — too vulnerable, too easily misread or misinterpreted in their oversimplified form, too painful to put in writing. But alas, the juice in my writing process this week lies with the personal.

Planet Waves brings you reason and heart, intellect and soul when it matters most. If you or a friend has reached your click-limit on PW articles, try a new Reader Level membership. To ensure we can keep bringing you thoughtful astrological commentary on world events, please join with a Core Community membership.

Planet Waves brings you reason and heart, intellect and soul when it matters most. If you or a friend has reached your click-limit on PW articles, try a new Reader Level membership. To ensure we can keep bringing you thoughtful astrological commentary on world events, please join with a Core Community membership.

I did try to move away from the personal while writing, and so I went to see what’s been posted recently on the Planet Waves website. I was struck by the beauty of pieces written by Judith and Len in the past few days.

The writers on this website often blow my mind. There was something in the tone of both of those pieces, however, that seemed to encompass the energy of the Saturn-Neptune square quite perfectly.

Judith’s self-described interest in and reporting about “watching our mythologies break-down,” and Len’s incredible weave of the historical context of the Saturn-Neptune square with the suggestion that the tension of the square can be playing out within each of us, seemed like perfect embodiments of the energy of the square. Something in the energy behind the words felt huge and loving and understanding and entirely nebulous, and yet fully contained and consciously purposeful at the same time.

Once again, I return to the importance of finding containers that can hold whatever it is we’re going through in this oh-so-strange-and-surreal era we live in. Planet Waves is such a container, but it can take many other forms. For me, post-text, it was letting myself cry like I haven’t in months and then spending time with family of choice, followed by some time in the light-heartedly delicious container of a lover’s arms, staying as present as possible through all of it.

I remember that the now-ended relationship really was the first one in my life where I felt held as a complete person, by someone other than myself. The relationship provided an incredible container for rapid and extreme transformation for both of us, even though neither of us could handle the resulting intensity and it did not end well.

I don’t know where all of this will lead. By ‘this’ I mean the crazy world we live in and all of its goings-on. I am consistently shocked at the relevance the astrological paradigm holds when looking at events both collective and personal.

In retrospect, I realize now that the timing of the text that triggered such an unanticipated response coincided with the exact Saturn-Neptune square, almost to the minute — a square that is in exact alignment with Jupiter in my chart. It’s as if the universe gave me a little dunk into the emotional portions of my old scripts just as it is giving me the opportunity to revise them — and to believe and have faith that maybe my experiences in relationship can change, and that the scripts are being rewritten.

Sometimes looking at my love life in that way warrants the same response I often have when looking at the world stage: we just keep making the same mistakes over and over again. But then I get a little tickle of hope and do what I can to actively work to make that hoped-for scenario a reality, even when I don’t understand the undercurrents. It can be a confusing slog, but that’s what Saturn is there for, right? To hone the dream, find out what aspects are worth striving for, stick with it through confusion and doubt, and bring it into reality.

I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Rilke, which I’ll leave you with now:

I want to beg you, as much as I can, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.



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About Amanda Moreno

Amanda is an astrologer, soul worker and paradigm buster based in Seattle. Her adventures in these forms of ‘practical woo’ are geared towards helping people to heal themselves and the world. She can be found in the virtual world at

5 thoughts on “Live the Questions Now

  1. Pisces Sun

    How beautiful Amanda. I have learned in my own life, as I live the answers, the questions change. Transformation occurs whether we realize the shift or not. When you dive into introspection like you do, you likely realize the transformation, but it can also be slow and in the case of lovers, transformation occurs, of course with, by, through, alongside, and after them…

    Present in the loving ecstatic, erotic moment, without analysis is more loving and living than anything else, perhaps that is the only answer.

    One cannot take the projections of the lover if she refuses to accept them, loving in the moment and accepting projections are different. But I know that you know that and your writing about the vulnerability allows us to reflect upon our own instances, thank you.

    Everyone at PW shares the human spirit, poignant, beautiful, loving, soulful flowing human spirit. This is what keeps me coming to the website each day to read, reflect and offer my own thoughts.

    1. Amanda Moreno Post author

      “Present in the loving ecstatic, erotic moment, without analysis is more loving and living than anything else, perhaps that is the only answer.”

      I’ve been noticing a lot lately that one of the common threads in the most influential relationships in my life is that the men tend to bring an extreme sense of presence. Which is lovely. Still learning about that one.

      I do often “refuse” projections. I am also aware, however, that projections only get flung when there is a hook upon which they can hang. Therefore it’s important to me to look at that hook within me and learn from it.

      As always, thanks for sharing your thoughts 🙂

  2. P. Sophia

    Thank you Amanda, as always it is beautiful gift of thought and writing you share.

    I received same/similar text on Thanksgiving.  I did not feel to answer immediately, but I did yesterday.  Which again turned into a moment (or hours, days, infinate..who’s to say) of mutual healing.  I am finding there is no sense to time, projections, barriers, containers or the understanding of meaning on this. It really is beyond my personak labeling, as I learn to shift to allowing soace for spirit’s input and lead. I think this is what Pisces Sun was getting at as well.

    I found it interesting when I just read last night Juno’s (in mature partnership) current placement of these few days residing on Libra 26+ degrees , or 27 Libra Sabian Symbol degree.  AN AIRPLANE SAILS, HIGH IN THE CLEAR SKY. Dane Rhudyer interpretation aptly speaks that this symbol introduces us to the pitential to the realm of unity beyond polarity. It is a stage of TRANSCENDENT REALIZATION.

    And supporting this is trans Venus was just on (LIBRA 23°): CHANTICLEER’S VOICE HERALDS SUNRISE. Dipicting new perspectives, and an openess in RESPONSE TO LIFE’S RENEWALS.

    Venus follows today on  (LIBRA 24°): A BUTTERFLY WITH A THIRD WING ON ITS LEFT SIDE. KEYNOTE: The ability to develop, for inner strengthening, new modes of response to basic life situations.

    I feel this quadrant, and Libra Degrees well, as my natal Quaoar is at the same Sabian Degree, 23+ Libra, and is associated with people’s perceptual abilities and the creative force attuned to Earth’s and natures cycles.

    My Moon is sabian Symbol 28+, so the Karmic 27+ Libra degree has been speaking to me for quite a while now..Many Moons, shall we say. : )

    By the way the Sabian Symbol where Juno will be initiative very soon is (LIBRA 28°): A MAN BECOMING AWARE OF SPIRITUAL FORCES SURROUNDING AND ASSISTING HIM. Offers the KEYNOTE: The realization, at any level of existence, that one is never alone, and that the “community” — visible or invisible — is sustaining one’s efforts.

    I think it will get particularly interesting when these two, Venus and Juno collide.  Not exactly sure when, but looking at the current speed of it, Venus will most likely catch up to Juno in the coming end of week?!   Help with this casting, (novice here) anyone, please jump in..

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