By Amanda Painter
Mercury is still retrograde in Gemini, but take heart: Saturday’s Sun-Mercury conjunction signals the official halfway mark. You’re almost there. Now as you head into the weekend, try asking yourself what you do when you find out the truth.
Back-lit tulip; photo by Amanda Painter.
You might have some very recent experience in this, thanks to the Mercury-Mars conjunction in Gemini, which has been square Neptune in Pisces this week.
If you’re not sure that the themes of truth, deception or misunderstanding have been terribly present for you, keep your antennae up through the weekend. As the Sun moves into the aspect pattern, your conscious awareness may pick up a few more signals than before.
As you read this, Mercury is making its square to Neptune, exact Friday at 3:00 am EDT / 7:00 UTC (as Mars drifts out of the pattern). This is the second of three Mercury-Neptune squares related to this retrograde phase.
The Sun joins the act Saturday into Sunday. Sun conjunct Mercury is exact at 12:56 pm EDT May 30 (16:56 UTC); Sun square Neptune is exact at 9:08 am EDT May 31 (13:08 UTC).
These aspects might only be exact briefly, but their effect extends out on either side by a few days. And since all the moving parts are coming into contact with each other fairly close together, it’s all basically one event. The themes involved may shift in emphasis, tone or expression for you, but you can think of the story being woven as a unified whole.
As mentioned, one form this story is likely to take has to do with truth, deception and misunderstanding, and how you react to each.
For example, do you actually like the truth? As in, do you feel strongest and most secure in yourself when you’re being honest, no matter how uncertain you are of another person’s reaction to it? Or are you in the habit of locating a sense of ease — identified as ‘freedom’ or as ‘making people happy’ — with so-called white lies and ‘spin’?
Then there’s how you react when you encounter truth from or about another person. You might receive that truth after having been in the dark (at nobody’s intentional fault). Or you might be disabused of long-held illusions of your own making or co-creation. Or perhaps you uncover a lie perpetrated by someone who had no intention of ever coming clean.
What do you do when you find out the truth? Does it vary greatly according to the specific person, situation and context?
Or imagine that someone close to you admits to thinking about doing something on the sly that they’ve claimed they would not do, just as a thought experiment to understand where they’re truly at with their reasons for not doing it. That is, they’re checking their honesty with themselves and, by extension, their honesty with you.
Would you be angry that they went there even mentally? Or afraid that they’re closer to slipping up and lying about it than you wanted to believe?
The thought experiment and their telling you of it might actually be a sign of true intimacy and trust. Yet plenty of people are terrified of what that much intimacy and trust might mean for them, and for their own behavior, introspection and honesty.
In other words, this weekend’s astrology could be read as very slippery and negative, a huge neon sign that deception (and self-deception) waits around every corner. But if we flip the astrology on its ear, you might see the solution to an intractable (or seemingly so) problem. The thought experiment I mentioned is just one example of what that could look like.
In the end, it comes down to keeping your feet planted in reality. Confusion, idealism and reflective introspection are keywords for the next few days. You’ll want to proceed methodically and stay aware of external contexts and any tugs of intuition with each choice you’re faced with. You might be surprised with what you discover, and how you respond.
WOW
I would like to think I am stronger now, know more about myself, that these potential challenges will be enlightening so i can bring forgiveness, compassion and understanding into the equation.
I do rather feel like a newly hatched bird adjusting to my surroundings … needing the universe to feed me and my soul with just the right energy for continued growth.
thank you
Vincent: I think many of us feel newly hatched in some way, no matter what our age. The ongoing dance of insights and adjustments can seem daunting, but I think your image of the universe feeding you (us) is right on.
I like the idea of the truth. Though I it never appears to me to be THE truth, just a version of truth. It arrives through filters; other peoples, fear, your own, what’s been handed down etc. There isn’t really a solid version of it, and that I also like. That there is even a search for it is a good place to begin.
Conversations around truth can be so intimate, and if everyone is willing, compassionate and understanding. It’s a moveable feast, perhaps.
Scorpio moon attempting a bridge of faith over a chasm of fear and doubt. Winning.
Apols Amanda, meant to add, great article. As ever. x
No apologies necessary, Kate — that you connected the piece to your own life and felt moved to comment said all I needed to hear.
🙂
Thanks Amanda, wonderful article as always.
To share a personal story along these lines, a couple of years ago, my mom was in India and my sister received news that our grandmother (our mom’s mom) passed away. My sister has had a challenged relationship with my mom but were on good speaking terms. When she asked me my opinion on how to tell her, we both agreed that we would wait until she was back and a bit more settled at home. I also suggested that she tell my mom as she came to the news and that this would be a moment she could “be there” for her. IOW, a trusting or bonding moment. I took a back seat this time in order to allow that to happen.
Well, it didn’t happen and I had to give several reminders to my sister to say something. When my mom finally heard the news, she incredibly upset with us. In my best intentions, I got drawn into a mess that I was in fact trying to heal. Instead, I was a part of a pattern that is not my nature and one that was linked to my sisters detached uncaring behaviour.
Rather than go on about my challenged relationship with my sister, the main point is this. A couple of days ago, it dawned on me what a mistake I made. Worse, I realized that I was never “there” for my mom as she processed her mom’s passing. It didn’t matter that my mom had a disconnected relationship to her mom or that any of their history should influence the present. We have a relationship to our mother that is unique both emotionally and psychologically, not just physically.
I realized that we (or better, I) made a mistake in not saying the news while she was in India. What a better place to process than in a temple or with a community she is familiar with. I deeply regret my actions.
So, I called my mom from work and told her all this. I apologized. I came to her place after work and hugged her and said sorry again.
I also realized how let down I felt from my sister…..again. What do I do with this feeling? After giving her the benefit of the doubt time and time again, I always feel let down. Trying to allow a rebuilding of a relationship doesn’t seem to yield any results, just more pain.
As merc lined up with mars, I felt angry. I made sure my anger was released and not directed at my sister for my own actions. But in all honesty, how do I deal with this? How can I just ignore and keep ignoring a seemingly repeating pattern? Perhaps I should replace “ignore” with “let be”. It feels freer. Because I want to let her be. Which also translates into: I want to let myself be. And that has a healthy space about it.
HS — yes, I have often fallen into the well-intentioned “trap” of waiting to share news or make a request so as to have the best possible impact — both on the person receiving the news and, by extension, on me. Sometimes it may work, but often — especially when my primary concern is avoiding potential negative blowback from them — it backfires.
I can’t necessarily speak to your experience, but for me, there seems to be a lesson here about the futility of trying to avoid stressful emotions from others; that I need to make peace with however they react, by being strong within myself.
That said, sometimes compassion does rightly indicate a slight delay so as not to unnecessarily overwhelm someone. I just cannot claim to be good at discerning when those moments are true — at least, not all the time.
Anyway, thank you for sharing your story — especially about how you were able to come to a selfless understanding of your role in things, and offer an apology to your mother. That is a beautiful thing to witness.
thank you so much Amanda…
Hugging Scorpio — if I may interject, it’s helped me to: 1) acknowledge that I’ve had flawed expectations (of whomever 😉 and without reflecting on what any may be, I literally: 2) hold a private, tangible, symbolic ritual to bury my flawed expectations (of whomever) as-if a burial of ashes only I’d be there to witness.
Intuiting to bury my flawed expectations of my mother in 1984, in the ‘drawer’ of a matchbox I put a quilt block, one button and a metal safety pin (diaper pin size) then said a silent eulogy and took it into the back yard to bury, unmarked. After that ritual, she was like a prior acquaintance (until her burial in Jan, 2000). No emotional attachment, no flawed expectations and very little direct contact.
Other release-and-let-go methods exist (as I’ve also done) — the burial of flawed expectations has cut cords as-if I’d cut a boat’s rope to see it float downstream. The goal is to free oneself from angst — once buried, avoid “digging up bones.” I have done that release-ritual with four and two are still very much alive. Having released me, I can bless them on their paths while also blessing me on my own.
Thanks for sharing that Sus’n! I have done similar “phoenix rituals” as I like to call them.
Hugging – believe I’ve written about my twin brother here before – who doesn’t want to have anything to do with the family for much of the time. I understand a lot of his stuff, cos I’m his twin – but I have felt wounded by his behaviour for a long time now. After a really long absence he has made contact with my sister again, and once again I felt hurt and excluded. I used to go over and over in my head, analysing about why he behaves like this and working on letting him go and letting him be. But what I find works best for me is just to let that feeling be when it comes up – and to give it space. I find that it soon passes when I’m able to do that – and I believe that it also frees my brother up energetically, and allows him to be himself. Just wanted to share this with you – in the hope that it will help you to deal with your feelings about your sister.
I loved this piece, Amanda – and wanted to comment on it when it first came out – it so reflected what’s been going on in my life right now. I also wanted to thank you for your truly wonderful flower! But haven’t commente d till now because I’ve been too caught up by life, stress, the universe…. in these days.
Thank you Lizzy! Love your vibe always. She has her own pathway. That doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. It means I am focused on my wellbeing. I feel like I could write more about how skillful means entered my life and helped transform my outlook through various experiences teaching me some humility and perspective. But then I feel like I’m really at the very beginning of understanding what skillful means is really about.
Me too Hugging, me too!
I had this really cool/strange dream last night that might shine a light on some aspect here.
In my dream I was coming under investigation for a murder that had been committed a year or so earlier. In the dream I seem to accept that I had done it and now I was contemplating that they might really get me. But then I realized that I felt no guilt so they really did not frighten me. I thought if I had forgiven myself then why should I be forced to suffer. But then I couldn’t picture who I had killed or how I had done it. And then I realized that I had not killed anyone.
But the lead investigator seemed to be focusing on me intently so I paid attention to my behavior and responses trying to outsmart him, by which time I would be assuming myself guilty again and then the repeat of the slow realization that I had not killed anyone – while trying to remember who had died and how. I was afraid to ask the question thinking it would imply guilt and again I would be believing that I was guilty. And then the slow awakening process repeating itself until I realize, “wait a minute I haven’t killed anyone”.
This recurring circular process from guilt to innocence was showing me something that feels really good as I woke up today. I think it is all about the worthiness question.
Great dream, great conclusion Cowboyiam!
Your dream really touched on emotions that I have experienced and makes me think of the question of what is guilt anyway. What do feelings of guilt mean and is guilt a state of the accuser or the accused? This brings me to Amanda’s thought experiment. It’s not easy to find people who could handle being told something they don’t want to hear. When I tell someone something in that sort of context and they get angry it can surprise me because I always have a feeling (or an assumption) that they have thought similar things and they won’t admit them. I feel I am being made to look more shadowy than them. Not that it would be easy for me to hear things I don’t want to hear. I don’t know really though because mostly people won’t say them!
This is real sticky territory. What is an honest feeling and what is a learned feeling. I think we have trained ourselves to see something and feel differently about, based on what the current collective believes. The areas where conflict rages the most are the most sensitive places to explore. And most people seem unable to even question, or ponder about certain touchy areas – or the weak spots of their belief system.
One thing about the dream that does disturb me is that when my mind was in full belief of having murdered someone – I don’t have a sense of guilt or remorse, nor do I have any idea of my motives but there is a sense of confusion present there as well – like the question in the background is why am I experiencing this. It feels something like how a psychopath might process their crimes only I could not recall the details.
I don’t feel very comfortable acknowledging this part of the dream because of just that aspect. But really society exhibit’s psychopathic behavior much of the time so each of us must have our share.
It did really feel better when I would almost lucidly realize that it had never happened. I had an unspoken awareness that I was dreaming and that I was in control of how things would work out. Almost like I was the judge and jury of my own case, and while there were twists and turns, facts kept leaning toward my innocence. I awoke with a deep sense of innocence and a wonder at what was being exposed for me.
Here it is in a nutshell – we’re all hiding in plain sight and its getting pretty silly. We should all stand up and just be honest together which is Heaven.
If we continue to hide we will continue to kill in order to protect our hide….Pun intended.
CowboyIam, working graveyard-shift in 1981, I’d come home at/near dawn, done tasks — then, drifting to sleep a few hours, I’d asked to be shown the meaning of life. What followed is too lengthy (for here) so I’ll say what I was shown — “Life is an Art Form… We do what we do to see what will happen.”
Getting that response liberated me to have no regrets, remorse or guilt, ever again. If a lump of clay fails to cooperate, it’s tossed into water to replasticize while I work another lump. If a painting is not as I’d envisioned, paint over it or get another canvas. No guilt or regrets creating art forms. Fast-forward 33 yrs (to 0400 hrs May 9, 2014). Having mulled issues my son shared via email hours earlier, I’d finally crawled into bed-roll when, “Life is an Art Form. Life is an ART Form. LIFE IS AN ART FORM!! Use ART as your acronym for Ask. Receive. Trust.”
Slept soundly for 3-4 hrs, awoke fully refreshed and emailed that to my son. In four words, “Thanks! I like it!” he let me relax. He’d reset priorities, optimize all options. He’d been blessed with a paid-summer-off (hosp closed his IT dept. ).
Lay-off gave him time for an online course to add to his resume, time to sail the lake with retirees. He’d see all 21 performances his 11-yr-old adopted daughter was in (Shakespeare) plus tour colleges with his 17-yr-old. As fall classes began, he’d begin a 45-min commute to keep another hosp IT dept up-n-running. Took that on contingency he’d get to take his 17-yr-old on a pre-planned Ireland trip.
This retrograde has been challenging per tonight’s call + his soccer-jock’s 18th on May 14 + she graduates May 30th + his 4th-yr Jazz Major son is 22 (May 28).
With storms/floods in TX (NTU/Denton) I know how it must feel to have his son home. As for my MrMom son, his Cancer (Metal Dog year) has truly been a gift. His likely know how blessed they are that, for him, it’s all ways been family first.
to clarify on, “As for my MrMom son, his Cancer” — his sun-sign is Cancer.
Great conversation. Thanks to all who have contributed thus far – especially Amanda for getting it started with another outstanding interpretation of the ambient astrology.