Dear Madame Zolonga: Bringing up baby in heels

Posted by Planet Waves


Madame Zolonga explains to a socially open-minded Virgo mother that her discomfort with her 11-year-old son’s cross-dressing is not truly at odds with her Aquarian ideals — or with his Aquarius Sun. It’s more that her urge to “fix” things can be redirected to serve his growth better.

Dear Madame,

As much as I try, I can’t get comfortable with my son’s interest in wearing women’s clothing. When he was small, it was kinda cute. His sisters (of course) put him in my clothes and used him as their little doll. I thought he just loved the attention of it all. And he’s the baby.

Now he’s 11 and it’s not as cute when people find out. Truly, I’ve always thought of myself as an open-minded person, and I believe the positive attention transgendered people and the LGBT community are getting now is good for our society. But I worry for my son, and I’m uncomfortable with my own discomfort. I would characterize myself as a tolerant Virgo. He’s an Aquarius, though, and I’ve heard those signs are incompatible. Astrologically, could that be one source of my discomfort?

Thanks for your help, in advance.
Vexed Virgo Mom

Dear Vexed Virgo,

First of all, a belated buss on the cheek to you for your Mothers’ Day celebration. You sound as if you are doing a fine job parenting and I’m glad you were bold enough to share your discomfort with me. I’ll share my astrological perspective.

Readers may have encouraging perspectives to add, as well. Indeed, someone with a specific background in sexuality and counseling is likely where you need to address your next questions. But here’s my piece.

Your Sun signs are typically described as ‘incompatible’ because (like last week’s letter describes) they are considered inconjunct. This is a way of explaining that your Sun and his Sun don’t easily see one another. You each shine in life, but almost as if you’re in slightly parallel universes, there but not there.

It’s not a bad thing, but something about inconjunct planets always makes one planet slightly uncomfortable with the intentions or needs of the other planet. One feels the other is like a fellow hanging around to have a word with you while you’re clearly in a conversation with someone else and not about to finish soon. But your son is not a ‘hanger on and you can’t ignore him, hoping he and his question will eventually drift away.

From your perspective, you son’s Sun sits in your duty, habits, health, problems and service zone. For all Virgo Sun signs, this zone’s theme is Aquarius — the sign of humanitarian service. And this may account for your more broadminded thoughts about advances in our culture and human sexuality. After all, healthy sexuality is fundamental to healthy humans. And this is the zone of health.

But Aquarius’ flavor is about larger groups, cohorts, ideologies and social trends. It’s not deeply intimate in this position. Consider the stereotype of the Virgo nurse, handing out thermometers, bandages and aspirins to a stifling quonset hut full of wounded soldiers. It’s her/his duty to fix these problems, and provide professional service. But get personal? That’s a big violation of duty!

It’s also the delicious conflict that drives many a romance novel. Right? I’m not going Freudian, saying you’ve got the hots for your son’s Sun. But his Sun does sit in a spot that implies detachment for the greater good. It also sits in a spot that says, “Problems found here.”

As a Virgo, you are hardwired to solve problems. This is your personal go-to zone. It’s also the area of our chart where all of us plan and execute projects. Given this arrangement, my concern is that you’re inclined to turn your son’s sexuality into a project. And, Mama, no one wants to be another person’s project.

You’ve not said it, but I do wonder if between the lines you’re saying you are actually more concerned about your son’s peer problems thanks to his love for lipstick. The peer challenges of any Aquarian would require a whole new letter, but suffice it to say, he’s not likely going to fit in with the local soccer league any time soon. And possibly he may require a different education plan than the standard model — if he’s gonna get his dress on.

This is the sort of project you can get your teeth into: researching education alternatives and finding less structured, less conventional social gatherings for Junior where folks aren’t likely to be shocked by the occasional funky heels.

An excellent counseling astrologer is your next step in the astrology world because, as you can see, we’ve only touched on Sun signs, and not addressed the more personal planets that shade and shape your perceptions of one another. You need a deeper, fuller picture of what’s possible. With Mars arriving in ‘bothsidesnow’ Gemini, and Mercury due for a review-oriented retrograde, this is the perfect time to explore questions about male sexuality and gender (ab)norms.

Courage, Mom. You’re right on time.

Madame Z

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