In this Featured Article from Cosmophilia, Registered Nurse and energy worker Diana Hay explores the difficulties in feeling like she’s bouncing back and forth across realities, reminding us that wisdom lies within. Read the full article here. — Amanda P.
by Diana Hay
While I was deployed to Afghanistan, I was the leader of a small medical team. As a conscientiously spiritual person I vowed to myself that I would lead with integrity and wisdom, that I would follow my internal guidance, and use my heart as my foremost leadership tool.
Photo by Diana Hay
I did just that while I was deployed. It was a disaster.
The military leadership saw compassion as a weakness and my cooperative leadership as poor leadership. Even though the team members flourished, the leadership would not condone my user-friendly guidance.
There was an investigation. I got sent home early, humiliated, my career shattered. My world began to split down the seams.
My long-time spiritual teacher, Jo Dunning, taught me that not only does everything happen for a reason, but everything comes as a gift for my benefit. I knew with all my heart that I was following my guidance and doing the right thing. Why was I getting kicked out of a life-long career?
My entire soul gave a strong middle-finger salute to God at this point and asked, “What the fuck?!”
I began to ask for help. I never ask for help, but ask I did. I hired a lawyer to champion me. I requested aid from angels, ascended masters and gods of all religions. I prayed, did energy work, used tarot, astrology, magic, oils, candles, mantras, meditation, even banishment spells. The more I asked for help, the worse the situation got.
I remembered that back in 1998 I received an astrological reading from a divinely gifted astrologer named Eric Francis. My chart spoke through him as he interpreted. He said that I was born during an eclipse, which brings a sense of destiny. I realized that part of me already knew that. He also said that I should get out of the military — that I didn’t belong there. I should have listened.
The sensation of no longer belonging kept happening. I remember back when the troubles started in Afghanistan; one particular emergency resuscitation in our trauma bay comes to mind. I was looking at the patient, writhing in pain from bullet wounds as we were sticking needles in him. A mystic calm enveloped me from the barbaric treatment. While in this bubble, I knew there were other choices. My entire being down to my bones knew: there is a better way.
You are not alone Diana! I think when we are seekers and/or healers and teachers, we reach a point where we are called to do what literally feels like walking through the fire and develop the mastery that we are destined to; trust that yours is well worth the chaos of walking and living what feels like two different planes – it seems that way to me sometimes also. You may also be called to commit deeper to what is truly meant for you; I believe we have free will and also a calling. It’s up to us to define how we will live it with our own heart, and in my experience, yes, it can be painful. Everything you write of resonates deeply in me; there are so many of us working on these very deep, soul searing quests – the work of our life. I do believe at the heart of it is the truest gift, meant to bring us ultimately to where we are meant – much like your teacher spoke of. Trust in your own wisdom, yes it is quiet, but it grows stronger! Thank you; such a beautiful story.
Thank you Diana, for sharing your wisdom and insights. Your story brings to mind Garth Brook’s line “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” For me, this happens when I am over invested in something that is not right for me…and trying to use all of my power to hang on to it. At 109, I have finally learned that if I do not initiated A Leap of Faith…I find myself getting pushed over the cliff anyway! It takes courage to trust in that knowing you describe…when I trust and listen, I am led back to where I belong, too! Here’s to your new chapter in life…the best is yet to come!
What a moving story, Diana. Heart-filled. I picked up Hickey’s “Pluto or Minerva: The Choice is Yours” the year it came out, 1973. That was 3 years before A Course in Miracles hit the book stores/spiritual community. BOTH spoke to choice and the power of changed perception = higher vibration and more loving outcome. Both profoundly shifted the way I looked at the energies that shape our world and my place/space in it. And both taught me a good deal about ‘going with the flow’ rather than attempting to control everything. I guess we could call this ‘trusting the Universe.’
So many of us can relate to the angst, the chaos and the confusion you speak of. That’s the ring of fire we move through to the other side, putting those energies outside of ourselves so that we can view them calmly, without ownership, and choose again. I’m reminded again that that is a minute-by-minute exercise, here on planet Terra, not the destination but the journey. Thanks for sharing so much of yours.