By Amanda Moreno
Sometimes writing a column about ‘spirituality’ is strange. Such a watered down, all-encompassing, over-used, misunderstood term. The first line in Wikipedia’s description of the topic reads: “Spirituality may refer to almost any kind of meaningful activity.”
Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day
Ok, then. That sounds about right.
The freedom to write about anything meaningful is quite lovely for the most part. This week, however, all I’ve wanted to do during times set aside for writing is sit in a bathtub with candles going and let out some final Saturn-in-Scorpio sobs mixed with utterings of gratitude for all of the people, places, guides, animals, essential oils and stones that have supported my personal passage through this initiation. I got some of that out of my system the night before writing this.
Now I’m sitting here letting the world wash over me, finding little connection to any writing topics. And oh, how my Mercury-Pisces word-making function needs that connection to the flow.
What do I see while the world washes over me? Well, a refugee crisis. Not so sure this is a new thing, but the phrase has been popping up everywhere, so at least it’s getting coverage now. And at least it’s getting coverage in a way that shows how absolutely unacceptable America’s response has been.
What a particularly apt Saturn in Sagittarius theme — a refugee crisis. The shadow of belief is deep and dark and the fundamentalist tendencies in all of us are now up for review. To think that anyone could justify mass murder and rape because of their beliefs is pretty appalling. Experience says, however, that fundamentalist tendencies will likely become more pronounced before they release. Understanding the millions upon millions of humans being massacred still, with additional millions fleeing their homes and being left to die in squalor, makes a conversation about spirituality seem somehow trite and privileged and yet totally necessary, all at the same time.
Do you know what else seems trite? American politics and the media’s — and therefore collective American culture’s — fixation on Donald Trump in the face of genocide and refugee crises. It’s hard to find the balance there. I’m told it’s my duty as a citizen to pay attention to the presidential race, but in all honesty I don’t see the point right now. It’s just a circus and spectacle.
Whether or not it is specifically geared to serve as opiate, distracting the population from ecocide, genocide and all of the other drastically more grave evils being perpetrated, I can only speculate. That is, however, what it seems to do. As far as I’m concerned, the best choice for me is to try to avoid the circus and tune in just before primary season so I can make an informed choice at that time, and then again a few weeks before the election.
I’m grateful to those who pay attention the entire way through. I, myself, am choosing to put my attention elsewhere, digging into those consciousness-raising efforts I’m so passionate about. I cannot say with certainty that I will even be voting this time around. I had to go with an independent candidate during the last presidential election. The thought of voting for Obama made me sick to my stomach, and I am lucky enough to live in a state in which taking my vote away from the incumbent didn’t make a difference, and so I voted my conscience.
A horrendous attitude to have, I’ve been told, but at this point even the most hopeful parts of me are increasingly coming to terms with the fact that no part of this system is salvageable. I don’t mean that fatalistically, just realistically. Participating in any part of the system is becoming increasingly difficult — a moral and spiritual conundrum.
I have been escaping lately into some personal flights of fancy. I thank/blame all that delicious Venus-and-Mars-in-Leo energy. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and love what I see. I want to play and have fun and dance and celebrate, and am doing so to some extent. But underneath all of that there is a constant knowing, and a constant connection with the belief that spirituality is in fact going to be what gets us out of this incredible mess we are in; that it has to infuse every part of my life and who I am. I hate using the term and the word makes me cringe, but if we don’t find a way to connect back with meaning and purpose I don’t know that we stand a chance.
There is, of course, the problem of defining what meaning is the right one. Youch! There we get into the muddy waters. Finding meaning in flat screens, Mountain Dew and green paper clearly isn’t getting us anywhere. But who am I to tell someone else that their meaning-making mechanisms are fucked up? Who am I to say that I know the One True Way? Who am I to dictate what compromises can and cannot be made when I know damn well that every once in a while I’m going to opt for a flight to the other side of the country, blowing my fossil fuel consumption for the year. There lies the rub. It is so hard not to live in contradiction.
For example, I will never be able to understand how someone can justify membership in a church that has institutionalized and approved child rape, especially when there are many institutions that have essentially similar beliefs without the heads of the church taking advantage of children. I cannot make sense of it. But who am I to dictate someone else’s path? Then again, when and where do we get to have the conversations that bring these contradictions to the table, and how do we learn to do that in a way that meets people where they’re at?
This spirituality stuff can just lead us in circles and divide and conquer just as much as it unites, calms and connects. It’s somewhat maddening, really. Even still, perhaps a robust and fluid understanding can be found, one that allows for individual truth and understanding within an enchanted cosmos.
Great piece! Thanks Amanda for bringing forth your candid expressions.
I’ve been reading some of Paul Kingsnorth’s writhing on his feelings and responses to the ecological crisis of earth and the major schism between it and western culture’s ongoing progression away from a caring relationship to it. You may find similar echoes in his writing to your own wonderings.
Thinking out loud; I wonder on the causal relationship between caring (beyond ones life-maintaining ego needs) and the dawning of a spiritual awareness within an individual.
https://orionmagazine.org/article/dark-ecology/
Thank you, Amanda. Somehow I’d missed this contribution and am pleased that Judith’s piece this week drew my attention to it. The wiki definition of “spirituality” is so wide-ranging that comment seems impossible. For me, spirituality is akin to doing without doing, like picking up a paint brush and the next thing you know the wall is a different colour. Who did that? And what was I thinking about?
Thank you too, jasonboyd, for the link to Paul Kingsnorth’s article. It was a stimulating resume of the current green position which I enjoyed reading although I couldn’t help feeling that, with the love of his scythe and scything, he was as much in the “progress trap” as the rest of us. Why is he so in tune with his scythe and why does he feel this urgent need to cut grass? Is it to make hay? Why does he need hay? Is it to feed cows and horses? Why does he need cows and horses? Is he a milk-drinking meat-eater who needs to move quickly about his domain the better to control his “investment”? Is he, perhaps, not romanticising the technology of the scythe because it enables him to be a better, faster, quicker and more productive and technologically-advanced cowherd? No blame, just asking.
The neo-environmentalism that he describes is rather like equating the Earth to a zoo. Certain rare species are kept in protected sanctuaries which you can visit – if you have the money. If a species nears extinction, replenishment can be made from breeding establishments which are also called zoos. This may be essential but it is not deep green.
He posits that the Amazon doesn’t need protecting because nature is resilient. It may be, but the function of all those trees is to exchange carbon dioxide for oxygen. Cut them down and we will all feel a little warmer and won’t be able to breathe so easily. Why does he not mention that small part of the equation?
His suggested solution to our technological entrapment is withdrawal, stop using the stuff. I’ve done that most of my life. It hasn’t resulted in a very exciting lifestyle, and I don’t think the planet has benefited one iota from my abstinence. I’m sure the experience adds greatly to Mr Kingsnorth’s feelings of spirituality but I doubt it’s done much to address the root cause of the problem: there are far too many humans wanting far too many things for far too little effort in far too short a time. If we don’t address that concept, this wheel shall explode.
Thanks for the link – I haven’t had a chance to read it just yet, but on an initial skim, this really, really stuck out:
“3. The political left is technological society’s first line of defense against revolution.”
That’s a pretty powerful statement. I’m very intrigued!