I have a confession to make right now, before we journey any farther together. I need to reveal something that makes me somewhat uncomfortable.
I am of the Pluto in Libra generation.
Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day
Not that that’s a bad thing, really. But I’ve come to realize that my Libran shadows are so deep, and those karmic patterns so entrenched that anything Libra tends to make me squirm.
When I get a glimpse of the not-so-shiny Libra shadow (placation, for example) I cringe. So I’ll say it — my name is Amanda and I have Pluto in Libra (in the 3rd house) and the South Node in the 7th house in Aquarius (that’s a Libra house).
I practice Evolutionary Astrology, so Pluto and the nodes of the Moon are super-important. Using this form of astrology, I’ve been able to understand that within my karmic past lie some tendencies towards getting tripped up by decisions I have made or that others have made for me. Usually involving betrayal, abandonment and other Scorpionic themes. The path of individuation has been thwarted, and this time around I’ve chosen to work on that.
Relationships, by virtue of my karma, my choices, and the path I’ve chosen or been led to, are part of my spiritual path. It’s the path of all of those in my generation, if you ask me. The healthy formation of human relationship is vital to the healing of our world, and that’s what we Pluto in Libras are trying to figure out.
Getting to know my chart as it is expressed in my life has helped me to identify that authenticity and celebration of myself as an individual are crucial to my growth. I’ve also come to understand that part of my process of healing involves relationships that support me as an individual. Furthermore, there is a need to revisit the karmic past, to revisit old ways of engaging relationship and then do something differently in order to heal. Paradoxes abound.
In summary: I’ve never had conventional relationships. Several years back I encountered the book The Ethical Slut, and immediately rejoiced that there were other people engaging sexuality and relationship differently from the norm. Then in the summer of 2011 I came across this random podcast — Planet Waves FM — and the host (our dear friend Eric) was interviewing someone at a “Poly conference” or something like that. My jaw hit the floor.
After hearing that podcast, I delved into the world of non-monogamy, first intellectually, and then practically. I floundered, I flailed, and I re-wrote my entire personal myth of soul mate and relationship while trying to figure out how in the hell to stand up for myself in relationship. I discovered that I can make entire mental constructs around an idea, and that I have to make sure those constructs resonate with my experience rather than just serving as rationalizations for enduring or continuing bad behavior.
Changing conditioning around relationships, and the cultural construct that monogamy and commitment are synonymous, can be really fucking grueling work. In my experience, no matter how liberated or progressive-thinking the individual, the thought of non-monogamous relationships is oftentimes too much for a person to grasp. The monogamy myth is perhaps one of the most insidious I’ve encountered.
I’m not comfortable building my identity around a relationship orientation. But I am clear that maintaining myself as the center of everything I do is important — as important as finding people to be in relationship with who can support that endeavor. Some would consider that to be a primary relationship with my Self. But that 7th house urge to surrender everything I am to the needs of the other is gigantic, compulsive and largely instinctive.
I love the idea of non-hierarchical relationships — relationships that exist without a “primary partnership” structure. I also love the idea of having one person who prioritizes me. I think there is room for both of these styles of relating, and more.
I am passionate about greeting relationships and exploring them and seeing where they go without a predetermined idea about the ‘shoulds’, with an emphasis on personal growth. I also think it’s important to recognize needs (something I struggle with) and be able to work towards a goal. But how can a relationship be authentic and nurture the authentic identities of those involved, when it has a predetermined construct of where it’s going?
The other day I realized — even though I’ve managed to grasp these ideals and am ready to embody the paradoxes and work honestly with them within relationship — how in the hell am I going to find partners who are also ready to engage at this level? And if I find those partners, how can I ‘know’ that any of their partners are able to honestly engage as well? I love non-monogamy. But in so many ways, it can be a clusterfuck.
And then I spent time with my love, my sweetie, one of my soulmates. He stepped in to dance with me in on the anniversary of my brother’s suicide and we kind of re-wrote the anniversary script. We realized that night: we’re doing it.
We’re doing the non-monogamy thing really honestly and well and it is expansive and mind-blowingly sweet and passionate and complicated and hard. But I feel so good about it and so grateful for this man’s presence in my life and the ways in which we are able to go deep and swim around in ambiguity and respect for each of our paths — and so lucky to have the freedom to find others who can do the work at this level.
Amanda,
I have Pluto in Libra. I feel kind of dirty saying that. I enjoyed the way you presented your experience.
I don’t get us. I have a weird sense of jealously for Pluto in Virgo and Pluto in Scorpio. They seem more interesting to me. I know they have their own issues, but their abilities feel more glamorous from the outside ☺
Pluto’s the only planet I have in air. I have to say, also, Libra is the only Sun Sign I consistently and easily clash with. (I also have Sun in Cancer and my Moon in Aries is opposite that Pluto and in the 8th house, so a lot of not wanting to understand Libra.)
My strategy, both conscious and unconscious, for the first 30 years of my life was to avoid relationships as much as possible because I was afraid they would suffocate me.
I’ve been spending since then trying to figure out how to have them without that happening or doing that to others. It’s absolutely wonderful that you have created something positive.
Ah, Pluto envy. What an interesting thing 😉
Here’s to you for trying to figure things out. Thank you for sharing!
Amanda, I honor your path as you consistently share in a spirit of bold inquiry. You inspire me. Thank you for being here.
Thank YOU!
I am, for the last couple of decades, on a conscious mission to find the truth of me. Any relationship worth the effort – for me – must be an excavation. The other must be willing to look into the depths also. The relationships I have attracted this last few years have all been Libra and one was Aries. What strikes me as the most frustrating aspect of these relationships is the strict rules of interaction (the massive walls that barricade the true self) As I continue to work on freeing myself from the prison of its neglect – I find that my Libra friends just wont go down that road. I realize what I am learning from these relationships but they are frustrating for me since there is a specific protocol which they insist on relating. It feels to me like a sward dance where we go through the motions of relating “honestly” but hidden beneath is a resentment ready to bloody the sward for any reason whatsoever. There is one friend though who has Pluto in Libra and he seems to be capable of facing the inner truth with me. There are times we can find depth together and it feels deeply fulfilling – but when it passes we have to leave each other alone for sometimes years. He always pulls away. It feels to me like Libra is the place of our deepest darkest fear. Is Libra where the wounding began?
It would be so interesting to know “where the wound began.” I suppose that the kind of astrology that I study would indeed say something along those lines – for a person with Pluto in Libra, Libran themes mark the deep psychological undercurrents of the psyche, including its deepest wounds.
I, too, require that my partners maintain a certain amount of “self work.” Not that I set rules and guidelines that say they must comply with that wish, I just don’t tend to want to be in relationship with people who aren’t working for self awareness to some extent.
That said, I’ve definitely had to realize that just because I’m plunging into the depths most of the time does not mean that’s the right path for everyone. What I see as a Venusian-Libran tendency to placate and hide behind masks is also a really important part of bridging gaps between people, making people comfortable, and creating a sense of diplomacy.
“I’ve definitely had to realize that just because I’m plunging into the depths most of the time does not mean that’s the right path for everyone. What I see as a Venusian-Libran tendency to placate and hide behind masks is also a really important part of bridging gaps between people, making people comfortable, and creating a sense of diplomacy.”
Nicely worded Amanda!
Bridging gaps…..and cultivating the frame of mind to do so. I think that’s what its all about:-)
Oh, and I’m Pluto early Libra, 3rd house too. You got me listening Amanda:-)
i’m another pluto in libra gal, although mine is conjunct vesta. i’ve been pondering these last few years about that drive to evolve, to unearth, to change that pluto insists on, coupled with the dual themes of vesta: devotion and sacrifice. it’s been curious to see how libra’s scales have shifted back and forth through those two principles in my relationships — and my growing sense of where the middle balance is. that balance point might actually be in the continual evolution…
maybe?
Makes sense to me! 🙂