Week of August 6th, 2014

Intimacy is Introspection That We Share 

Last week in our relationship series on Planet Waves, we posted an article by noted erotica editor Rachel Kramer Bussell wherein she questions why anyone would want to monitor, control or be paranoid about their partner’s masturbation. It’s called I Want My Boyfriend To Fantasize About Other Women.

In case anyone has paused to wonder why masturbation is controversial and come up with no good reason, I have a theory. I believe that largely involves the psychic factor — that one’s imagination is free to go anywhere. This alone could make some people insecure, though in the Bible where Jesus reinterprets the Ten Commandments, “Thou shalt not commit adultery” becomes “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.” (Note, there is no mention of his daughter.)

This has caused plenty of pain and confusion, since it put thinking about sex on the same level as sex itself. In other words, sex is the crime and fantasy is the thought crime. In case you wondered whether religion has streak of tyranny to it, ponder on that.

Bussell takes several steps in the other direction, encouraging partners to be open about their fantasies with one another if they want, and allowing one another space to be themselves in the sanctity of their own thoughts.

I would take this idea a few steps further, such as cultivating true erotic empathy, or compersion, for your partner. Maybe try out this philosophy — whatever turns them on turns you on. Whatever turns you on turns them on. At least a little. At least to have some fun with the idea; at least enough to try something out. At least enough to say “whatever turns you on.”

In the comment thread that developed below the post, I wrote, “Over time I contemplated the idea of sexual healing, and this is where I arrive every time, which is that it begins with healing our sexual relationship to ourselves.”

And added: “I’ve explored how this scenario could expand into culture. Imagine if we start with a small, devoted group of individuals who committed to conscious selflove and affirming one another’s selflove; who understand the mechanisms of guilt and shame and who have some knowledge about how to work with and release those emotions; and then over time create a seed community of understanding and healing. The message of this exploration could be, ‘Intimacy is introspection that we share’.

With love,
Your astrologer,
Eric Francis Coppolino

ARIES (March 20-April 19)
Play with your exhibitionist tendencies. Imagine that you are art, and in particular, that your sexuality is a mode of artistic expression. Yet the creation and the revelation happen in the same moment; therefore, you can begin by calling yourself present and allowing each moment as it unfolds to be different than the prior one.  Let your creation come forth as what you reveal visually, what you do with your voice and where you place your gaze.

TAURUS (April 19-May 20)
Wilhelm Reich, a person whose teachings every true aeronaut would benefit from, emphasized the point that having a space of one’s own was essential to sexual freedom. Spaces where you can be monitored, or are afraid to open up your voice, are not spaces where you can be free. Now is the time to create your sex zone. If you already have one, now is the time to make it better, cozier, more lavish or better equipped with whatever suits your fancy.

GEMINI (May 20-June 21)
My definition of monogamy is someone being their own lover. Then once you have another person involved (spouse, boyfriend, etc.), that’s a form of polyamory, since you have two partners. If you are of one sex and your lover is of another sex that would be bisexuality. Your chart right now describes an image of you being your own lover, and considering getting married to yourself. Once you’ve done that, you will find it much easier to get along with other people.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)
Marriage is kinky — it’s like being handcuffed to someone, or tied to the bed, only for years. I suggest you try the weekend version of the commitment and really go for it. Play out the power dynamics full spectrum. Take ownership of one another or of the situation. Really demonstrate your commitment, only for two or three days. You might find that scratches your itch just right, like nothing else can, and then you will be free to keep moving.

LEO (July 22-Aug. 23)
The ritual aspect of sex is one of its most beautiful elements, and also one of the most necessary in these days when sex has been reduced to a pastime. Honoring the ritual aspect means being tuned in to the intent of the exchange. There are two concepts there — intent and exchange. Once you raise sex to that level, you are right on the edge of territory sometimes known as tantra. Healing starts to enter the scenario, as does service, as does nourishment.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sep. 22)
You have available to you some truly interesting relationship experiences, as long as you’re open to them. If you’re wondering why you might not be more open to the possibilities, I suggest you consider what you think others might think. What if everyone approved of whatever you wanted? What if you didn’t care? I mean what if you really, truly, didn’t give a sniff or giggle or a single modicum of concern about what anyone even vaguely thought? How much more fun would you have?

LIBRA (Sep. 22-Oct. 23)
You don’t usually strive to be one of the crowd. I mean, if you do, you do it in your own way, and you’re selective who you associate with; you have a thing for those you consider high-quality people. Who by the way are all around you, and to whom you are exceedingly attractive — a fact which I would encourage you to keep in mind.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 22)
One of the erotic themes of Mars plus Saturn, both in your sign at present, is power play. That is, sex where the power arrangement is out in the open, which usually means someone dominating and someone submitting, by agreement. As the next few weeks unfold this is going to heat up to a flashpoint. I am here to remind you that you can do this in fantasy or you can do this in reality.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 22)
You may be experiencing fantasy scenarios that seem dark and mysterious, though I assure you they are made of light. If you observe that anything is embarrassing or shameful, I suggest you pull back the veil and go straight toward it. That is where your hottest and most meaningful desires are kept — disguised as something wrong, hidden where you’re not supposed to discover them.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 20)
You need some sexual experience where you are worshipped as the only person who exists, as the only one who can fulfill someone’s desire — by which I mean their desire to serve and to please you. There is sharing in this form of sex, and it comes in the form of the privilege that someone gets to offer themselves as the servant of your pleasure. I mean this not as a way of life but rather as a mode of play, an experiment, an encounter.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19)
How do you feel when you think about your parents having sex? Most people are a little grossed out by the idea. However, when you consider that it’s the thing that created you, that gave you existence and life and the freedom to explore the planet in your body, you might decide to make friends with their experience of one another. Let yourself be turned on by it. Maybe it’s daring, though it’ll help set you free.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)
If you’re looking for sex and companionship, reach for well above what you would consider your league, with no reservations whatsoever. Be forward with those you consider the very most attractive, intelligent, successful — whatever turns you on. Be direct and respectful, though making your approach on level ground rather than from below. Notice who inspires you creatively — you are likely to do the same for them. Ignore ‘relationship status’ and treat everyone like an individual.