Note: This week’s sex-and-relationships guest-post comes courtesy of Mind Body Green, where you can read the full piece. With Venus in Taurus, the sky is emphasizing sensual pleasures — just be sure you substitute “vulva” where Gia writes “vagina,” or you might get a cramp in your tongue trying to reach in that far… — Amanda P.
By Gia Ravazzotti
Oral sex can be one of the most beautiful expressions of intimacy, desire and love for a partner or lover.
For men and women alike, the act of giving oral sex can actually create sensations throughout her body that will enhance and increase feelings of sexual pleasure. Some women report that they get more aroused from giving oral sex, than from any other kind of foreplay activity.
Let’s face it: it’s incredibly sexy to observe someone else experiencing sexual pleasure. But to get the most enjoyment from offering a oral sex to another person, one needs to be exceptionally mindful and present during the act.
Whether or not we admit it, if you are giving your partner oral pleasure simply as a means to an end, then you probably won’t enjoy it as much.
Getting into the mindset that you are pleasuring your partner for your stimulation as well can be a real game-changer. These simple steps might allow you to both give and receive more pleasure when you are going down on your partner.
1. Ask permission.
Firstly, always ask permission first. You may be in the mood to pleasure your partner, but check in with them first. If your partner isn’t in the mood, then don’t be disappointed. Allowing a space in a relationship for either partner to say no without consequence removes many unnecessary barriers regarding sex. Knowing that you both have the freedom to take a rain check creates much more trust and intimacy in your sexual relating than if you react negatively to their “no.”
2. Use your eyes.
Before you even start, look at your partner’s penis or vagina. I love it when clients tell me that they think their partner’s genitalia is beautiful! Have a real, proper look.
Gia Ravazzotti (consciousintimacy.com) is a clinically qualified sex therapist and relationship counsellor with a Masters of Sexual Health based in Sydney, Australia. She loves writing and is the sexual health expert for SheKnows Australia. Gia has been consulted as a sex and relationships expert for Cosmopolitan, Cleo Magazine and OK! Magazine. You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
This is a great guide! Many thanks, PW.
Yes! a useful and inspiring guide to oral sex. Simple and easy to follow.
Something the article barely touches in the Be Respectful section could use some more attention. I know I began to love giving oral when I was with a partner I could trust to receive without thrusting. It is important to remember a mouth and throat are not designed like a vagina, and to be active in your partner’s mouth requires and mutual skill and desire for that activity and very clear consent. There is a powerful erotic edge to oral, because the mouth picks up so much information and energy, and there are as many taboos about what goes in our mouth as their are about genitals. All the senses and the mind come together in the mouth actively and consciously. That’s why it is so much pleasure to give when you can feel safe to give and be received. It’s an edge to receive as well because mouths can be dangerous. They have teeth!
When giving oral I am in my masculine energy. I am giving pleasure and I am taking my own pleasure. I may well be more interested in taking than giving, though I am confident that it’s a win-win. I check in with my partner’s enjoyment, and I count on him to guide me and let me know if something I am enjoying is not working for him. I have to feel like I am in charge of the activity to drop into enjoying it as powerfully as I do.
Receiving oral is an opportunity for a man to become acquainted with his own feminine energy. He gets to be an engaged receiver, knowing that his receiving is all he has to do to give pleasure to his partner. It is a beautiful way to understand each other more.
Does this resonate with other’s experiences?
Diva Carla — thank you for mentioning the idea about feeling safe to give oral when you knew you could trust your partner not to thrust! It’s something I have not thought about in a long, long time — I guess because I have had a series of partners who did not thrust when I gave this way. But I have seen guys thrusting into their partner’s mouth in porn, and I’ve cringed every time — it looks so incredibly uncomfortable; scary even.
As for you, part of my pleasure in giving this pleasure to a partner is that sense of power, along with the sensuality of the act — the power inherent in controlling how the pleasure is given. Giving oral has never really been an act of submission for me, which seems to be what thrusting would imply. Rather, quite the opposite.
I have not thought about a man receiving as being in his feminine energy, but it’s an excellent point — and it’s also the complete opposite of the energy implied by thrusting.
The article mentions that orgasm need not be the “climax” of all sexual encounters. For more in-depth information on this , you should check out Mantak Chia’s books, particularly The Orgaasmic Couple. Eric has written often about self-pleasuring as a sexual option. Chia addresses this too and in fact states it as a prerequisite to sexual relations with others. Btw, Chia is a Tao master.
Thank you Gia for such a lovely space you are holding.
Climax, no climax, its all about presence and connection. Your article is fantastic!