First, Do No Harm

Posted by Amanda Moreno

Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

Where do you draw the line when it comes to magical ethics? Amanda Moreno offers a perspective on the problems with enforcing one’s will, even with the best of intentions; the value of serving the highest good of all; and, as she puts it, “the importance of coming from a place of love.”

Occasionally in this forum I will begin to articulate new insights and ideas — this piece is one of them. I offer that at the top, dear reader, in acknowledgment of the fact that these thoughts are works in progress and in invitation to discuss the themes in the comments.

Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

Photo by graywacke/A Landing a Day

Although I’ve dabbled in more “magical” practices, such as Golden Dawn and various Pagan traditions, I realized a while back that I’m not really a practitioner of magic, be it ceremonial or witchy.

There are subtleties to be worked out there, as I definitely use ritual frequently — often in the intention-setting sense — but I have strayed away from more active will-enforcing-supporting pursuits. One reason of several is that I just don’t think I’m any good at that kind of magic — and it’s not anything I aspire to. Another is that it’s just felt too loaded. A break in my understanding of this inner conflict came about a year ago as I was contemplating it in a session with my therapist.

As I pondered my aversions to ritual magic, my therapist pointed out the difference between the magical path and the mystical path. We were nearing the end of the session and his resulting over-generalization was that the magical path is about asserting one’s will whereas the mystical path was about radical acceptance of all that is or radical retreat from all that is. Although I knew the dynamics were more complex, the statement gave me a good starting point. I recognized myself as being more on the mystical path than the magical, with some overlap — a designation that became startlingly more clear to me this past weekend.

I was sitting in a conversation that was all over the occult-y, magical and worldview map, when the concept of using magic came up in a specific context that I was was very uncomfortable with. A paraphrase of the basic example given was that if, say, an individual is suffering at the hands of an abuser, lives with some kind of physical disability, and is unable to realistically get away, it might be time for the ‘magician’ to just cut the shit and work some magic in order to get the abuser out of the picture, forcefully and without regard for the abuser’s well being.

I asked the speaker why they would use magical workings in that way as opposed to, say, performing some kind of magical work that would serve to separate the two people in ways that serve the highest good of all involved, leaving it to the dictates of the universe to determine the details. Why was force the kind of magic that was called for? Not to mention, as a friend later pointed out after the fact, why not just call social services or intervene in a more practical, non-magical way?

I don’t recall the exact response, but there was some murmur in the room of how all of that “goodness and light” stuff isn’t always the answer, and that sometimes there are darker things at work that must be combated — like attracts like, I suppose. There was a deeper thread there, too, which encompasses a worldview in which perhaps magic works and exists in darker ways, therefore requiring liberation through magical intervention. It reminded me of stories of South American Shamans who store projectiles — the ‘amoral’ spirits of dead insects or shrubs — in their energy fields to be flung at enemies at will.

In that moment, I realized with crystal clarity that enacting my will — in that kind of magical manner at least — is not at all anything that I am interested in. I located myself more radically on the mystical path than ever before, even if in response to my further crystallizing aversion to magical practice.

spring-reading-2016

Find out what the Mars retrograde will mean for you in Eric’s 2016 Spring Reading, which we’ll publish in mid-April. You may pre-order all 12 signs here.

The subject matter moved on to discussing the use of magic and ritual when it comes to affecting world events, potentially in ways that are not based in love and “the highest good.” And again, I realized how far I’ve swung to the “love and light” side of the fence.

I understand that the shadow of the New Age movement lies very much in using crystals and bubbles of light as a form of bypassing and avoidance. That is not at all what I mean when I speak of my own basic precept of choosing love first. I’m not afraid of the dark — well, at least not in general — nor has my life been absent of it. My encounters with the dark continually make me more convinced of the importance of coming from a place of love; and the experience of just how integral heart-centered focus is in times of dark comprises the fundamental essence of who I am.

I do not shy away from the Martian/Aries thrust of will, but using it in that kind of magician/sorcerer sense just makes me question whether it is an ethical manipulation, even if it is not overt, and even when wielded with the best of intentions. It also seems to be dancing awfully closely with the potential for overblown ego identification and megalomania, the latter of which are reasons I got out of the Golden Dawn/Western Hermetic tradition after a few months of being initiated — too much mental activity, not enough embodied reality.

Furthermore, my thoughts turned to the Karpman drama triangle, as I realized that playing savior or hero in these ways essentially enmeshes one in the triangle, reinforcing the loop that will ultimately make hero into victim into perpetrator and on and on.

Despite my crystal clarity as to the reasons I am magic-averse, I’m still aware that I’m not a mystic in the radical acceptance or retreat sense. What comes to mind here is my use of shamanic techniques.

When I first started studying Shamanism, I associated it largely with the Scorpio archetype. I still see that in many ways, but I’ve also had a teacher who associates Shamanism with the Virgo-Pisces axis (and perhaps the entire mutable cross). I had a difficult time latching onto that at first. Shamanic themes seemed so inherently Scorpionic to me — going into the underworld, the dark, into dismemberment and regeneration. Scorpio represented what I’d come to know as the healing crisis of the Shaman and their ability to face transformation and death.

As I moved along in my studies, however, I ended up in a workshop where we learned Shamanic extraction techniques. This was, of course, a generic teaching, gleaned from several different cultures, and is not representative of all Shamanism. But one of the basic tenets of that teaching was the importance of merging with a powerful healing ally and dedicating the work to the compassionate healing of the individual involved. Everything was based in that intention of compassion and healing.

That form of Shamanic work seems very Pisces/Compassion-Virgo/Healing to me. As I integrated that new understanding, I began to wonder if perhaps the Scorpio archetype is associated more with the sorcerer than the Shaman. I began to think in terms of Scorpio’s relationship with Mars — representing the desires of the will and the ego — as being a distinctly different form of Shamanism, perhaps one more overtly focused on the individual’s will and specific power dynamics than what I was being taught.

Of course, the Pisces shadow is nothing to mess around with either — it is, after all, associated with the Typhon — a half-human, half-snake monster created by the Titans as a last-ditch effort to prevent the takeover of the Olympians. Pisces is one of those signs whose vast shadow can get overlooked in favor of its capacity for transcendence and ecstasy. Pisces contains the unqualified act of a predator stalking its prey, not because it is evil, but because that is what happens in nature.

This mental meandering does remind me of a basic precept I’ve seen in discussions on Facebook and in personal communiques lately, one which resonates very highly for me — ‘first, do no harm.’ Who am I to say what lessons are being learned in any given dynamic? How am I to know what my limited perspective is missing?

Is it ethical or even loving of me to intervene in another person’s life in a forceful way, even if it’s from behind the scenes? Setting the intention for my magical practice, whatever it looks like, as well as my healing practice to have the ongoing intention of doing no harm seems like solid practice to me.

Where the concept of will is concerned, I spend a lot of time talking about the importance of figuring out and sticking up for one’s own needs and going after what we want — getting out in front of our creations — but what is the best or most effective way to do that?

Once again, I’m left with a bunch of questions that likely do not have cut-and-dried answers. But this week, I feel more aware of the nature of my own path, and I’m happy to add a strongly annunciated “First, do no harm” to my already standard “Just look for love in it.”

Posted in Columnist on | 39 comments
Amanda Moreno

About Amanda Moreno

Amanda is an astrologer, soul worker and paradigm buster based in Seattle. Her adventures in these forms of ‘practical woo’ are geared towards helping people to heal themselves and the world. She can be found in the virtual world at www.aquarianspirals.com.

39 thoughts on “First, Do No Harm

  1. Sarah TaylorSarah Taylor

    I’m so glad I read your article, Amanda. You have articulated things that are both very much in line with my experiences and thoughts about magic, and in line with how I’m defining my own form of magic.

    One thing I’ll add: that true “love” knows both darkness and light. It cannot be love, otherwise. The first figure that came to mind was Gandalf, actually! He knows full well what the darkness is capable of.

    He doesn’t bypass it, he doesn’t ‘love and light’ his way out of it. He faces it full on with the force of his compassion and in that absolute knowing, centred presence, the darkness has met its equal. (Gandalf may be fictional; but, then, aren’t all myths and stories that contact our soul in part fiction?)

    Who knows whether one form of magic needs the other to exist? Who knows which is right? I know where I stand on it, though, and it is with action that simply feels like right action. It doesn’t not come wholly from me; it frequently goes against what my mind and emotions would be wanting me to do; it feels peaceful and expansive (if hard), rather than hooked in (to an agenda) and contracted.

    I am not a magician. I am a witch. A chaos-mystical-witch. I work for people; I hope I work with love. But I will not turn away from the darkness either. It feels untrue to state that I am not of that. Without it, how do I know what I stand for?

    1. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

      Thanks for the additions, Sarah. The image of Gandalf standing in the face of a demon (or whatever that big fiery thing was), pounding his staff and saying “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” is a really helpful one — as is knowing that the fiery thing still lashed onto his ankle and took Gandalf into the depths with him.

      I guess another thing that comes to mind as I read what you wrote is the difference between “loving and lighting” your way out of it versus using love/gratitude/connection as a container for transformation.

      And you’re right, we can’t really know what is ultimately right, only where we stand. And I’m pretty sure I stand with you ;)

      1. pam

        I wonder if doing no harm is just a case of vigilance and open work on our own shadows. I wonder if the work is release into innocence or laughter (freeing up, putting the curve back in), or something seminal – towards future laughter and innocence and freedom. And small things like Susy said – mending – a stitch here and there, loosening a root, or nurturing (following back to health or being). Using the weight/momentum of the attacking person against them, but still to land softly. Putting your whole self into the mix.

        Is it possible to know anything, just listen and feel and bring experience to bear, the same circumstances can be quite different each time.

        I found the character of Oogway inspirational in Kung fu Panda.

        1. pam

          Shadows, can just be ignorance of any sort too.

          In extremity perhaps to start small and continue – like crystallised ginger is liquid over a low flame for ages and starts finally to crystallise round the edges and you stir until you can just shake everything out.

          Other readers will surely have other elements to contribute.

      2. DivaCarla Sanders

        Love this image of Gandalf facing the Balrog invoking of protection for the one we wish to help, or the one who is asking for help. If we have been asked to help, we have a bit more leeway in directly confronting the “demons”. though it is limited to You shall not pass! Or You shall unhook your claws and go away. Otherwise, we are not allowed to decide for the “victim” and can only with love invoke protection. (Unless social services or police need to be called. And even that is not a clear cut solution for some situations.)

  2. Ramona

    Thank-you for this Amanda. Very in tune with my experiences and situation. I reached the same realization about a magic/hermetic group that I was briefly involved with/initiated into – too much mental activity not enough embodiment.

    A tarot reading recently done – for the work of the group in the upcoming year was, in my interpretation at least, pointing in the same direction you have articulated here – more out into the world and community. Coming down from the mountain to express spiritual truths/values.

    Your exploration here affirms my latest ponderings and helps on the way to defining my own path.

    1. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

      Glad it was affirming, Ramona. And those were pretty much my exact words when I left the group I was involved in (which was comprised of a group of truly extraordinary people) — “too much mental activity, not enough embodiment.” I said that knowing full well that I hadn’t made it past the Neophyte stage and therefore didn’t really KNOW whether that was true, but every time I would go into a ritual/ceremony with them, I felt no connection and just wanted to be dancing barefoot in a field under the mood somewhere. Laughing.

  3. DeborahDeborah

    I agree as I’ve always heard you don’t waste energy cursing anyone but rapists. otherwise it comes back on you 3 times over. We must focus positive energies toward optimism and healing, not vengeance, ever. Thanks, Amanda, for pointing out the differences of magical and mystical, and sharing your learning experiences. Sending you loving light, so mote it be.

    1. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

      You’re most welcome :)

      Reminds me of the difference between exorcism and compassionate depossession. There is nothing that can’t return to the light. Or to wholeness. Or source. Or whatever word you wanna use.

      1. Eric Francis

        Deborah, what is a rapist? I know in the sense of strict definition, “one who rapes.” But I mean what is a rapist, really?

        I would add a second question, to the practitioners here: what do you do if you’re doing some work for or with someone (astrology, cards, etc.) and you find out that they raped someone?

        1. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

          What comes to mind is: hold space, don’t judge, monitor my own responses for later reflection, check in with my therapist/supervisor and my “alternative healing therapist types” group in regards to ethical considerations and best ways of moving forward. What I’m also aware of is: each situation is unique.

          1. Eric Francis

            If astrologer is a facilitator of healing, judgment won’t help. There is so much judgment about sex in any form pounded into our cells that it’s difficult to escape, however, that’s the whole point of helping yourself so you can be of assistance to others.

            Here is an interesting fact. I’ve worked with hundreds of rape survivors; I’ve never once in my life had a man admit to me that he raped someone, in consulting work our not. That is a big disparity, and if any man aware of me needed to speak about being a rapist I would be a good place to do that.

            I’ve also known and loved a great many sexworkers. I have met exceedingly few men who have admitted to seeking out their services.

            This code of silence is, I think, a product of judgment and the fear of it.

  4. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

    Your comments are always helpful — to the conversation and my own (probably OUR own, actually) thought processes. Thank you for sharing them. This was a difficult piece to put out there because while I’ve gotten more comfortable accepting that I can’t address the depth of these topics in this column, some are still hard to put up because they feel *really* over generalized, and that makes me squirm. It was the same thing with the “evil” piece. I’m also aware that my interpretation of what was being said in the conversation reported might be skewed, but I used it as a jumping off point anyway.

    “since our energy would intrude on a situation they might have called to themselves for personal reasons unknown to us.”
    Exactly. I always keep in mind that I don’t know the reasons and dynamics at play in any given situation. Being an astrologer sometimes helps me to hypothesize, but using that tool has to come with a lot of humility and openness to listening to what is actually going on in a person’s reality.

    As for it being next to impossible to abide consistently by the “do no harm” mantra/wayoflife, yes… I’ve become more able in recent history to trust that when I set the intention for actions that support the highest good of myself and all involved, the universe will work with me on that, and at the same time I accept responsibility for my actions. My energy healer dude gave me a prayer to say sometime last year when I was clearing buckets of ancient schtuff, and it goes something along the lines of: I accept responsibility for all of my actions since beginningless time and declare my intention moving forward to benefit beings.

    I haven’t read/participated in ACIM, but it feels like the time is coming.

    I’m also curious — have you read Right Use of Will? Do you have thoughts on it? :)

  5. Eric Francis

    A lot of this “do no harm” stuff comes down to practical matters, including language, and learning how to help people, when asked, in a way that does not mess with their self-esteem or take power from them. Do we really need a spiritual teacher who tells you that your musical studies are pointless, or that your dog is stupid? A spiritual teacher for example who claims to get all of his/her knowledge directly from god?

    I wrote to Melanie Reinhart recently, in a discussion similar to this one, that the most of the ethics question of astrology could be resolved by the astrologer (or whatever consultant) saying, “This is my opinion,” disclaiming the information coming from some allegedly objective or authoritative source.

    Astrologers need to remember that many people think you have a phone directly to god. It’s up to you to say, well, let’s work on this problem together. Maybe we can figure it out. That does not block spiritual agency (whatever that is) from being in the discussion.

    It is up to the practitioner to be aware of the power and authority issues, and to be the moderator aware of the whole situation. What we don’t want to admit is how many people come to astrology, esoteric studies, or any spiritual studies, already having been injured, already compromised, and seeking to avoid pain, and therefore susceptible to reinjury (or some form of ‘addiction’ in the form of pain avoidance).

    If you work as an astrologer you will meet people every day who want to give their power to you. This could be in a form as seemingly innocuous as, “Tell me if I’m ever going to get married.”

    1. Amy Elliott

      The school I’ve been studying with (and still hope to get the Diploma from, one fine day) recommends a disclaimer along these very lines, to dissuade clients from thinking we have that sort of authority. We’re also encouraged to examine the synastry between the client and ourselves prior to a consultation, and to give them the freedom to talk and ask questions as much as they need to.

      I think taking that one step further as you suggest and creating a truly collaborative space, in which the client feels fully part of the process, is the ideal consultation dynamic.

      1. Eric Francis

        Very happy to hear that Amy. I think that school is an odd way to learn astrology, though there are a couple of places coming at it with a helpful ethic and well-rounded approach. One of the things I advocate is anyone who plans to do readings having a few years of therapy down before hanging their shingle. It’s essential to know the feeling — and to recognize the trust issues — when you work with someone.

      2. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

        Two things I say at the beginning of each session are something along the lines of “just remember that you are the ultimate authority on your own experience” and “if what I’m saying doesn’t resonate with you, please say something and feel free to leave any of it in this room when you leave.”

  6. Eric Francis

    Hmmm….that’s a charged term. Ally is usually used in regards to warfare. In modern context, you’re not queer but you’re with them rather than against them.

    Collaborator means “one who works together.”

    1. Amanda MorenoAmanda Moreno Post author

      So many different ways to think about and understand things! For me, ally means “friend/support.” Collaborator for some reason feels like it gives me too much power or credit in the dynamic. Probably something to work on there :)

      1. pam

        Same with collaborator (ie can equal betrayal meaning someone who collaborating with the enemy)

        Perhaps a vast understanding of definitions is actually more important than sex! (smiley emoji)

        1. Eric Francis

          Amanda, it’s necessary imo to get past personal meaning, and into cultural context. The Allies defeated Hitler, and then the term was picked up for Bush Wars I and II. It’s now most commonly used by LGBTQM movement — I have one of those buttons that declares ALLY.

          But an ally is not a friend. It’s one who might be motivated by “the enemy of my enemy is my ally.” As evil genius Luntz said, it’s now what you say, it’s what people hear. I suggest avoiding all trendy PC language as well.

  7. pam

    Amanda does Fe’s too close to home piece fit here too? And Be’s comment from that thread
    ‘… All over the world, all the time, stuff like this is happening to individuals and the human response is to share the experience with others who then join forces (consciously or unconsciously) in such a way that the combined reactions create a force that provokes change in the status quo. On one level it is the Saturn-Jupiter culture/society challenge to grow and evolve. On a higher level it is all of humanity going through the changes of ending violence, inequality and many more polarized and ingrained behaviors. Thank you for aiding this movement Fe, we are all one. ‘

    Personal and collective oscillations

  8. Eric Francis

    One distinction that has not been made here, but has been alluded to, is that between the heroic model and the Wise Woman method. The heroic model is about direct intervention, such as is commonly done in contemporary medicine (remove someone’s spleen for $100,000). The Wise Woman model (passed onto me by Susan Weed, my neighbor here) begins with “do nothing,” and continues with “nourish and tonify.” Then there are a series of steps that you might take after observation and nourishment, but I have found that most of the the time, doing these things is sufficient. When working with someone I am looking for the least invasive method of interaction. If you assist someone raising self-awareness, you’ve done a lot for them.

    1. DivaCarla Sanders

      Thanks for invoking the Wise Woman Model. I appreciate the reminder.
      I’ll share her list here. Notice each one is an “change” step, even Do Nothing. It is literally Do nothing, or “stop Doing.”

      Step 0: Do Nothing
      (sleep, meditate, unplug the clock or the telephone)
      Step 1: Collect Information
      (low-tech diagnosis, books, support groups, divination)
      Step 2: Engage the Energy
      (prayer, homeopathy, ceremony, affirmations, laughter)
      Step 3: Nourish and Tonify
      (herbal infusions and vinegars, hugs, exercise, food choices, gentle massage, yoga stretches)
      Note: Healing with Steps 4, 5, and 6 always causes some harm.
      Step 4: Stimulate/Sedate
      (hot or cold water, many herbal tinctures, acupuncture)
      For every stimulation/sedation, there is an opposite sedation/stimulation, sooner or later. Addiction is possible if this step is overused.
      Step 5a: Use Supplements
      (synthesized or concentrated vitamins, minerals, and food substances such as nutritional yeast, blue-green algae, bran)
      These substances may do as much harm as good.
      Step 5b: Use Drugs
      (chemotherapy, tamoxifen, hormones, high dilution homeopathics, and potentially toxic herbs)
      Step 6: Break and Enter
      (threatening language, surgery, colonics, radiation therapies, psychoactive drugs, invasive diagnostic tests such as mammograms and C-T scans)
      Side effects, including death, are inevitable.

  9. DivaCarla Sanders

    Amanda, thank you for this article. I appreciate the query and insight into the Pisces Virgo Axis with Scorpio as I was born with those three. Pisces Sun, Virgo Moon, Scorpio Rising. You’ve given me a lot to ponder in my quest to know and be myself. My thoughts on your question of what governs the realm of magic, I would say all three: The Virgo/Pisces Axis has a dual relationship with Scorpio/Mars/Pluto/Sex/Death/Shamanic ways. Square Virgo = Act. Trine Pisces = flow. Does Scorpio’s relationship to both signs contribute to their energy signatures? and what about Taurus on the other side of the Wheel? My Mars is in Taurus, so there is the Taurus/Scorpio axis in my natal chart. Oh Oh Oh!
    Back to your article.

    I have not heard of The Right Use of Will. Just looked it up and not going to read it (unless it turns up two more times this week independently). She says in the blurb for the book it will stir up emotions; it is meant to do that.

    My understanding is that magic is the use of will in concert with Universal Law. (I just deleted a long dense tangent that streamed off ideas of will. Will is our human dilemma.)

    I’ll let Wallace D. Wattles answer the question about Will. He wrote a little book over 100 years ago at the height of “new thought movement”. The Science of Getting Rich. It is a simple description of alchemy, and is user friendly. He has two chapters on Will.
    One begins:
    Chapter 9: How to Use the Will
    TO set about getting rich in a scientific way, you do not try to apply your will power to anything outside of yourself. You have no right to do so, anyway. It is wrong to apply your will to other men and women, in order to get them to do what you wish done.
    It is as flagrantly wrong to coerce people by mental power as it is to coerce them
    by physical power. If compelling people by physical force to do things for you reduces them to slavery, compelling them by mental means accomplishes exactly the same thing; the only difference is in methods. . . .You have no right to use your will power upon another person, even “for his own good”; for you do not know what is for his good.”

    This speaks bluntly to many of the points commenters have made about will and doing no harm, and intention. We are always using our will. Intention is an act of will, I believe. A lot of our “will power” gets wasted because it tangles with other people’s will power. We find it very hard not to want to change others to make ourselves feel better or get what we want. It is unconscious and insidious. Vigilance is necessary. Example: I pray for my son all the time. I offer him into Divine protection, and ask and affirm that his needs are met, he is well in all things, and — that he will come to his senses and decide for himself to follow my advice on his health, etc. I can’t seem to clear that energy out of my prayer, even if I don’t say the words. Sigh.

    Magic is the application of Will in an act of Creation. Ritual directs and purifies our mental and emotional intention, and calls in Spiritual Allies, however we name them. Magic must not violate another’s free will, or it becomes something else…

    Whatever we see outside of us, the enemy, or evil, is a metaphor for something inside of us, and what is inside of us we can exert our will upon. Your strategy of anchoring in Love works for that.

    Thank you for some powerful conversation that I am only just reading this morning, and in exact right time!

  10. pam

    And finding common ground.

    Susun Weed!

    I agree. And have loved her healing ‘theory’ for years and love her books (tho she also talks about plant allies… (sorry Eric! it isn’t a word I am comfortable with either, teacher/student, seeking counsel, brainstorming, standing shoulder to shoulder, finding what/who is needful)). Lucky you to have such a voisine!

    Clarifying until everyone agrees: common ground.

    I guess it is my father who makes it impossible for me to have just sex as a base. He was such a fine scholar, a farmer (he could make and mend anything, buildings plumbing electricity machines, rock climbing, anything), he was very exacting with me (more strict than I understood), funny if you could get him to let his hair down, these last months he had kidney stones and never once complained of pain, when asked if he had pain he said yes, and it was clear the acupuncturist could relieve his pain totally for some hours (he had 2 operations finally), he followed Caussade (abandonment to divine providence), i found him very difficult (exacting), until these last 2 and a half years when I came to love him better (enough); And so handsome – I guess that is quality of soul shining through age and good bone structure – his brother was always the handsome charismatic beloved one – i hadn’t looked for beauty in him). Integrity was the word he would choose if he had to choose one ( ie not sex). he was very simple, very straightforward, very warm (and very rigorous).

    Would it matter to you to have bases other than sex, Eric (why would it)? My father was a farmer – lots of sex on a farm.

    My mother was also exceptional – I am by far the least of the three (hopefully some years yet to close the gap) gentle, funny, musician, wordsmith, bright gemini, she showed immense patience and kindness to herself and others. And courage (always gentle, always afraid and always carrying on regardless). That smile! that gaiety!

    Invited to comment, I would say musicality (note, melody, balance, flow, true note, rhythm, cadence, expression, stop and go emphases) and Love (outside the love and hate pendulum) are the things I have gained from my parents. Sex may or may not come into these categories and is subject to them in my experience.

    Your experience is surely different – is mine by definition wrong or inferior or not enough? (perhaps others who know me would differ, but I feel I have no great difficulties with sex – my difficulties are all with meeting people and not being subsumed, or alternatively not coming over as too ‘saturn/pluto/virgo’).

    Does sex answer that more than effort and time and learning new social skills? I can go along with you to the point of seminal but not further, it is not sex that feeds my soul only, there is friendship and honesty and art (surely music) and love and scholarship. And in my case at least sex is often a distraction. I once travelled in a car with a chancemet guy. He said i was the same as him. I was interested – o – what’s that?

    A hedgewitch he said, a solitary, someone who uses what comes to hand. That isn’t sex Eric tho it may be. And the times I have gone with sex for healing work for others I have found it less aiguille than more subtle and restrained input. Sexual healing for myself also has not been just the pure thing. I reserve sex for those to whom my heart is given completely, or my work says this is the way. The older I get the less sex is the way – silence, a word, a geste, a moment are more effective, less confusing, simpler, more real for the other. That is my way. What I can offer.

    These ‘religious’ that you criticise are those who hijack religion for their own ends (ie not the pure of heart), the men and women I grew up with were lions/lionnes of love and truth and courage, some of them killed by freedom fighters, all of them rigorous searchers after truth (sex suits you very well: is your scholarship rigorous, or driven as you said by a way to find a legitimate way to have enough sex. It isn’t the same thing. Anyone who is a scholar will pick you up on it…)

    I remember a conversation with my Dad perhaps 10 years ago, he listened closely, he always listened closely. He commented simply – so you are still rebelling?

    What is still rebelling?

    And I am not a first class mind, but I have always been quick on the uptake (I stole this from Page 8…)

    bisous (no really!)

    pam

    (i love to be in france – to be pam is not nothing here: PAM: plantes aromatiques et medicinales… there is alot of space. Alot of potential. Alot of air to breathe) . Isn’t that the main thing?! Space to be.

    1. pam

      And looked at the other way (like the definitions), you built on your starting point and stand without agenda with a body of knowledge, ready to serve as you may, and I have chosen one relationship at a time because it suits me to limit the pain and not to be incredibly hurt by multiple relationships(?!) so it is lucky really that sex is not my gift.(?!)

      xxxp

  11. Edith Miller

    I don’t think I need the books – I think I just need this column to read and re-read! There is so much powerful wisdom here, more than I can absorb in one reading. Grateful thanks to all of you for your sharing. “In my opinion” , and speaking for myself :), it seems to me that that the journey is to marry ‘do no harm” and “unto thine own self be true” and find the middle way – balance, balance, balance ..But then libra is all over my chart! In cross cultural terms perhaps it is balancing the magician and the mystic and rising up the antakarana of the centre of the tree of life …. And the journey is how to do it. I’m gonna copy and paste this thread in a doc! Blessings -

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