Dear Madame Zolonga: Money from my mother-in-law

Dear Madame,

I want to find out more about my future mother-in-law’s money habits. Can I do this with astrology? My mother-in-law is the one who has the most money in the family right now, and she’s already made it clear we need to come prepared with a formal plan before she’ll share any of it. I don’t have her birth time and I’m not comfortable asking for it, but I do have her birth date.

I’ve studied astrology for a couple of years now and I’m hoping you can give me some tips about this. We’ll be visiting her over the holidays this year, and money’s going to be a discussion so I want to be prepared, have every angle covered, and make a good impression.

— The Fidgety Fianceé

Dear darling Fidgets,

Oh, goodie. You’re all building a holiday money-and-truth discussion bomb.

There’s nothing like laying out the finer fiscal points of your honeymoon in the Caymans, alongside the green bean casserole and stuffing, to make the holidays oh-so-warm.

What you may need is the derived houses trick. I’m not saying it’s foolproof, but it’s certainly fun and may gain you a couple of valuable tidbits. However, it’s a slightly more advanced technique, so I don’t recommend it unless you see yourself as someone competently grounded in the astrological basics. As in, you’ve done a few charts for your (honest) friends, and your insight has been deemed ‘accurate’.

With the derived houses trick, you can work with your own natal chart and get a few clues before even attempting your in-law’s chart. I recommend you have a look at your fiancé’s perception of your mother-in-law, since your fiancé is who you’ll be sharing toothpaste with, daily.

Here’s what you do. Get your chart, and put your finger on the 7th house. This house represents your fiancé, now that the relationship’s gotten serious. Next, (counting the 7th house as ‘1’), count counter-clockwise 1-2-3-4. What house do you land in? To you, it looks like your 10th; but from your fiancé’s perspective, it looks like his 4th. This is what we’ll call the ‘derived’ 4th house.

Note the sign on the cusp of the house, what planets are there (if any), and any aspects those planets make. Most importantly note where the house’s ruler is in the chart. That house is particularly important. The derived 4th house and its ruler will represent something about your fiancé’s roots and what’s been inherited through the ages.

You’ll find more clues about money from this side of the family in the next house to the right. Older traditions call this the house of the Father, but newer schools of thought give this house to the Mother. If you can, chat with your fiancé about what you discover. Does the description of what happens here fit the father’s family? Or the mother’s?

(If this all looks complex, it’s because it is complex. This is why people hire astrologers to sort it out.)

Now, beginning with your derived 4th house, count seven houses from the fourth. You’ll land in what looks like your own 4th house. We’ll call this the partner’s derived 10th house. Anciently, this was home of the Mother; more recently, it’s home of the Father. Do the same process of observation as above. Take lots of notes and research what you find.

What themes stand out? What do you find? How do they fit your fiancé’s perception of his family?

This exercise can be a good starting place for the tender topic of money and families. For, like hair color and Great Aunt Gertie’s silver set, attitudes and expectations about money are inherited stuff, and far more influential. Next to personal hygiene gone afoul and infidelity (however you define it), money conflicts drive most divorce proceedings. This is why smart folks hire a good astrologer to have a look at values compatibility before they get married.

Most importantly, though, is your own attitude and habits toward money. Have a look at that first. First.

Why? For one, you can’t control your mother-in-law’s money decisions. Whether she made her money or inherited it, it’s hers to do with as she pleases no matter how much loot she’s got in the vault. For another, astrology has more noble purposes. Attempting to light-finger that lock with some fancy astrology tricks won’t likely serve your path. Gaining a clearer perspective of her values and yours will help heaps, but sometimes you’ve got to get your nose out of the charts and look at your heart, instead.

Inherited family values are one thing, but what are your values? Get clear on those first. You’ll live with them longer than a honeymoon, first mortgage, student loan or, yes, even a marriage.

Yours, with compounded interest,

Madame Z