The Bisexuality Edition — Everyone, but Especially Male

Posted by Eric Francis

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In tonight’s edition, I cover the astrology of Venus conjunct Nessus and Mars conjunct Chiron. I introduced this in Monday’s Astrology Diary (free OR paid registration required to read that article). I expand the conversation to include specifically sexual themes of bisexuality and selfsexuality. This is not a discussion you’re likely to hear many places — my perception is that actual bisexuality is almost always left out of the queer discussion. However, “gender queer” and “trans” have to a large extent entered that vacuum, and now bisexuality can exist on the fringes of that territory.

One of many icons designed to illustrate bisexuality. This one shows the inherently flexible nature of sexual orientation.

One of many icons designed to illustrate bisexuality. This one shows the inherently flexible nature of sexual orientation, with the infinity symbol blended in. The ‘heart’ symbol by the way is really an inverted vulva. An actual heart looks nothing like that — but a vulva sure does.

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In tonight’s edition, I cover the astrology of Venus conjunct Nessus and Mars conjunct Chiron. I introduced this in Monday’s Astrology Diary (free OR paid registration required to read that article).

In tonight’s extended program, I expand the conversation to include specifically sexual themes of bisexuality and selfsexuality. This is not a discussion you’re likely to hear many places — my perception is that actual bisexuality is left out of the queer discussion, at least most places that discussion happens. However, “gender queer” and “trans” have to a large extent entered that vacuum, and now bisexuality can exist on the fringes of that territory. Really, it needs to exist in its own right, and I explore some of that territory.

Onyx, photo by Eric Francis.

Onyx, photo by Eric Francis / Book of Blue.

Now, when entering this territory, my instinct is to go as far back to the origins of the theme as I can. I would remind you that all discussions of sex in Western society are subject to distortion by the Abrahamic religious cults, all of which openly despise sex. I would remind them that humans came before they imposed their concept of god and of morality on us.

From our first days (and long before), Planet Waves has expressed a passionate commitment to a real conversation about sex, inclusive of everyone. In that spirit, here are some additional resources. You will find many articles at the Compersion.net website.

Here is an interview I love, which the publishing website called Self Sex as the Sex of the Future.

There is an old Sexuality Resources Area available — this could use an upgrade, as it’s about 10 years old. Please write to me if you would like to help with that (dreams@planetwaves.net).

Additionally, I have a long-term photo and diary project called Book of Blue. This is available by invitation or request. If you’re interested, write to me at green@bookofblue.com, introduce yourself and I will send you access to the website.

9 thoughts on “The Bisexuality Edition — Everyone, but Especially Male

  1. Rob MooreRobert Moore

    Hi Eric –

    I was [obviously] very interested to hear this installment. A huge fan of candor, yours is appreciated here. I have most recently been considering this lack of a clear bisexual platform, as well as other un-pigeonhole-able sexual callings. I’m with you 100%. As a homosexual male, I know firsthand that bisexuality has been poo-poo’d for eons as “an excuse to not choose”.

    But, but, but…

    I DO recognize a slow, slow shift taking place. I have seen it taking place for well over a decade. It is majorly glacial, though. Just like it was okay for Ellen and Melissa Etheridge to publicly come out while George Michael couldn’t even THINK it, the road to social embrace of bisexuality is obviously unpaved and slow going.

    I’m about the last person you’d wanna come to for cultural trends but I have noticed the most basic of TV shows chipping away at making it okay for “straight” men to at least consider being with other men. In the shyest and most veiled of ways, “Friends” started inching the door open. Then out in left field the guys of “Jackass” pushed sexual contact between “straight” men further than it had been before, even if they were snickering under their breath. I could go on and on with TV and movie examples but I’ll spare you.

    In the more hardcore sex arena, I see more and more men openly embracing their desire to be fucked, be it by their wife wearing a dildo or — among the bravest of them — a third guy brought into the scene. I mean, I see this A LOT on Tumblr whereas just a few years back a guy into women would be tormented for expressing that desire.

    Last but not least, the fact that YOU are here putting the topic squarely and solidly on the table for a truly consciousness-raising crowd is probably doing as much as anything to carve a rightful place in the landscape for bisexuality. (And whatever else people are at their core and haven’t been able to discuss.)

    – Rob

  2. Eric Francis Post author

    RM YES

    We could make a list of the ways that bi is slipping in. It’s also being seen as something other than actually gay but passing, ala Elton John.

    So let’s see. There is Bend Over Boyfriend. There is the Sissy Fetish. There is Bicurious and Bisensual. There is cuckolding in its various manifestations, including ‘wife comes home from visit with lover and hubby eats her out’. Can you think of any others in this genre?

    I really think a lot of trans is really bi — I am sure I could start a fight at a sex educators conference by saying that.

    Relaxing gender roles in some regions of younger people, I am sure, is helping things a bit.

  3. alittlebird

    Eric ~ Beautiful ! You say in your Podcast you loved Bjork’s first song, yet you had no idea what she was saying /singing about – you just simply loved it. The song happens to be perfect for your topic tonite ~ Irving Berlin’s “You Can’t Get a Man with a Gun” from Annie Get your Gun. A gender bender role and musical way way back in it’s day ; )

  4. Cowboyiam

    Eric, So happy to find – you are me. I have always identified with your Polymeric being, but until now I did not know you were fully bisexual. Thank you for that disclosure.

    I am bisexual. I am married to a women who adores me and I her. We are a separate faction of our community. She knows everything about me and in her acceptance of me she has found herself. Guess what, she loves anal sex. Not all the fucking time, but when its time, she accepts its wonder, and mighty orgasms are the result.

    I had trouble with much of your broadcast because of the cerebral perspective you maintained – but the last 20 minutes made the whole thing worthwhile. Tears. Heartfelt tears. Listen.
    I live in the heartland – home of John Wayne, God and Fundamentalism. I grew up hating Niggers and Fidgets! Forgive me for my explicit honest truth. I am a product of my culture. I am sorry for how it is.

    I have always been a poser – and known as such, by the snoops, who always find the flaw in everyone. I have long ago accepted that fact. I could never pretend the mask that I was expected to wear. So be it.

    I am 53 years old and, God Forgive Me, but I will no longer hide anything. Everything I Am is worthy of acceptance! I am not here to help those who don’t understand. But I must! Must! Be exactly WHO I AM!

    Thank you for giving me a format. I adore you.
    Jim

  5. Cowboyiam

    I want to say more about my bisexual journey.
    I have no memories of feeling like a girl in my early stages. I don’t think I was forced into a gender role. I was and am a boy – a fifty three year old boy. There is one remembrance of being almost five and these girls visited – I recall playing with dolls for a day – but I have no recollection of being shamed or scolded for that. Good Parents.
    I was brought up in a Christian atmosphere and I am sure gender identity was part of the program. Whatever the effect, I know that at, or around, the age of eleven I first conceptualized what gay meant. I was revolted and to this day I can feel how that revelation shuddered through my body. So this proclivity seems to be an addition for me. Maybe that’s why I am not Gay.

    I am a Virgo and we need some serious emotional connection if sex is going to be easy and enjoyable. I didn’t know this until I was 45 years old – through astrology. If I had known this when I was 19 – 23, it would have saved me from many a dark thoughts about why I had trouble being a fully successful and FUNCTIONAL sexual being.

    It wasn’t until my wife of 29 years showed up in my 23rd year, that I found my sexual potency with another. She saved my life, and I hers.

    For me it was at the age of 27 that I first recall fantasying about a male encounter. I remember the incident as a shudder through my body! I had just gone beyond the scope of my belief system….Or the Demon entered my body in that moment. I know how my Christian friends would feel about this but I suspect those in this community will see it as a confirmation of my breakout from the limits I was imposed with. I don’t think I worked this out, myself, for a few years, but eventually I came to accept this fantasy as a legitimate right. It was the first step in my acceptance of me.

    The next phase comes around the age of 40 – when I was in the most beautiful physical perfection of my body built expression. I would look at myself in the mirror and consider what I would do with me if I could. My masturbation was an often event along with the weekly sexual nature of my relationship. I was hot and that turned me on. Many the extra glances I got. I was a mess – but quite attractive. Women loved my appearance and many men seemed also to be in awe. I was at my peak. I could not stop looking at me. I know that sounds terrible, but it was an admission, to my-self, of how attractive the male body really is. It became impossible for me to ignore how drawn I am to the male form. I am drawn to beauty.

    Now I must confess that there is more than physical going on. I am not all that interested in exchanging pussy for man butt. That’s certainly on the long term agenda but rationally today – I want to feel the creative power expressing through me as my receptive self. I want to be taken from behind, or any number of ways, and feel the force of the male penetration expressing deeply. I am no longer hiding that desire.

    I am both assertive – and receptive – at the same time – or at least in similar proportion. What has been repressed is what most needs expression – and that is my feminine desire to be the object and the toy. I want to be wanted and almost forced or taken. That is how this energetic being feels – when she is allowed to express freely. And though she is a part of me that deserves expression in all her beauty, I am still a man.

  6. JereJere

    ..Next time man, I’ll have my handy-dandy notepad at the ready, that way I can recall all the shit I want to say.

    That was a damned good podcast. (I may have to relisten ’cause it’s rich as all hell in conversational material.)

    ..Wish I could offer more relevant feedback.. maybe my brain will narrow in on something specific.?.

    The program’s bad-ass man, you’ve got my vote!

    Thanks for broadcasting,

    Jere

  7. Eric Francis Post author

    Reader Comment: Masturbation in a monogamous couple relationship?

    OF COURSE WE DO!

    I can’t think of a single sexual relationship I’ve had, monogamous or otherwise, in my 42 years of sexual activity (I’m 55.) where we did not masturbate together at one time or another.

    I read articles about how shy someone was to do this or how odd it seemed or edgy, and I am sorry. I simply cannot relate. I appreciate that they had this experience. I just don’t.

    This is an astrology site, you can easily find an explanation in my 9th house Sagittarius stellium, Leo Moon, Venus in Scorpio – take your pick.

    Partly because I rarely orgasm from intercourse, I have always made it a point to self-satisfy and to show my partner what I like and want. Otherwise, what’s the point? Oh, alright, orgasm isn’t always the point and is rarely, if ever, the only point for me, but I’m multi-orgasmic and love to come (don’t you dare spell that ‘cum’ – it grosses me out.)

    But how on Earth is my partner supposed to know what I like if I don’t SHOW him or her? Yes, I’m bisexual, too. Sure, most of them will figure something out and some of them have delighted me by making me come in unusual ways. I will never forget the man who proved I could actually come if he made slow circles around my clit. I’m a hard-and-fast girl, usually. And THEN on top of that, the next guy had to do that, too, since he did not want to feel outdone by his predecessor. Talk about enjoying being wrong!

    Guys often like to masturbate for me. And I like whatever they like most of the time. I’m there for their pleasure. I’m just subservient that way. Some of them want to come on my breasts. Go for it!

    Mind you, I love to fuck and be fucked, so masturbation as the mainstay would not work for me at all, but as a frequent part of the whole scene. OF COURSE.

    Anyway. Yes. When I am in a monogamous relationship with a male or female partner, we nearly always masturbate with each other.

    And if the reader has not tried this, I’d only want to know what are you waiting for?

    Love,
    s.
    longtime pw reader & correspondent

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